untangling thoughts my thoughts are incoherent they seem to make connections all by themselves but they don't realise that their strings have all tangled that there are no clear paths that all i can do with this ball of yarn is to cut it yet, i still try to listen i try to do what is honest to myself i try to find a way to untangle these strings, find these links between them like how can i be thinking of fort canning one minute, and ending it all with "him" the next i can't stop this train in its tracks it must pass through the stations before it runs out of fuel before the coal has to burn again before the conductor notices something amiss like how can i be thinking of going to plays one minute, and "his" text — telling me i'm rushing to the destination — the next still, i try to keep my eyes open see through this fog, this smoke, this fire try to figure out which way to go the streets are too crowded, so i swerve right instead, but the quiet unsettles me like how can i be thinking of ice skating one minute, and how "he" steered clear when he saw me the next my thoughts won't stop (in the end, they are all the same) i can't find a way to cut these strings (in the end, they are all the same) all these entanglements blur after awhile (in the end, they are all the same) whether it is "him", "his", or "he" (in the end, they are all the same) all these memories just mesh into one (in the end, they are all the same) there is too much noise in my head In the end, they are all the same

¿ Maybe we should stop playing pretend I hide behind my words: use them to mask my every thought You hide behind your actions: use them to conceal your every feeling And I — And we — just go around in circles play ring around the rosy (pockets full of posies) keep spinning on a spot keep telling ourselves: No. I don't have feelings. No. I don't like you. No. The timing isn't right. No. I can't take an 'acceptable risk'. No. I don't know you enough. But you see, things don't fall into absolutes on this Earth There are no binaries we can't push through, no boundaries we can't fall off, no breakthroughs we can't see ... 'No' isn't the answer I've been searching for See, I've been searching for so long, I don't even know what I've been searching for But I do know this — I've had enough of being in between — I've been in transit all these years, looking at all these places, so, so wrong for me filled with odd-shaped faces, unfamiliar jokes, awkward laughter surrounding me But you — You're familiar to me And yet you're also new And I — I want to be there I want to cross the limits I want to cut the skies open let my heart pour let my soul see let my song sing Because yes. Yes. I do have feelings. Yes. I do like you. Yes. There's no real reason for this. Yes. What risks are ‘acceptable’, anyway? Yes... You just feel like home.

Mend Me I guess I must have really liked him. And I don't even know why I did, but for his words and actions to still affect me now? I guess I must have really liked him. Or I must have really hated being ignored like that. Seems like the only time I come on here is when I have a broken heart.

What I Want In You What I want in you is a generous heart. I want a heart that gives and gives but isn't afraid to receive. I don't mean just giving to me, but to those who need it too. I'd pass by the uncles and aunties on the street selling tissue for $1, and, without fail, I'd get 3 packets every time. Sometimes, I'd sit and have a chat with them before going off to my destination. I don't want you to be impressed, because there's nothing to be impressed about. I want us to be able to do more than just buy packets of tissue paper. What I want in you is the joy in giving - whether that is material or emotional. What I want in you is a secure heart. I want you to be sure of yourself, of me, of us. There will come days of insecurity, but I want you to always be able to fall back on the plans you have made, or the plans we have made, or, failing that, the plans God has made. I don't want you to ever feel like you're alone. You have your family, your friends, you have God, and now you have me added into the mix. You are never alone because you have all these people who loves you surrounding you, and they – no, we – will be your source of strength. What I want in you is a shoulder to lean on. When I'm tired, or when I feel like I have nowhere else to go, I want you to be my harbour. When you're tired, or you feel like you have nowhere else to go, I'll be your shoulder to lie on too. What I want in you is a sense of wonder and adventure. Never declare Singapore a boring place, because there are nooks and crannies of this place we haven't seen yet. I want you to find those places with me. I want you to take my hand, and walk in step with me, as we explore what's hidden to the rest of the world. What I want in you are conversations and communication. I want to laugh with you, cry with you; I want to talk about the philosophy of #life with you. I want us to be able to talk about anything and everything. Take all the space you need when you're mad (I know I will do that too), and come back and talk it out with me – calmly, without shouting, being passive-aggressive, or making jabs at me or at us. Please be mad only about the big things. I cannot coax you for too long – it's exhaustive for me. Don't jump to conclusions, or talk until I can't get a word in edgewise. I want a two way conversation, and that requires you to listen. I promise to listen to you too. What I want in you is responsibility and respect. See what you're working on to the end, and never flake on others for me. We have other times to hang out too. Pace yourself – don't work yourself to the bones. Take care of your body. Take care of others too. I like to be taken care of. Be on time, because I will turn up early. If you can beat me to a place, then I will know you're the one I've been waiting for. What I want in you is conscientiousness and sensitivity. It takes a while for me to open up to someone these days, so be patient. Don't expect me to tell you everything from the get go. Take it slow. Kiss me only when you're sure you want me to be yours. Notice when I'm cold, offer me your jacket. Know that my palms are sometimes sweaty, but take my hand anyway. It's the little things like these that win my heart over. Now that you know what I want in you, it's your turn: Tell me, what do you want in me?

Love Is Not All I once read a sonnet which declared "Love is not all: it is not meat nor drink" But by the end, it submits It would not sell its memories For food or peace Love has this hold on us all Even if you deny it Or turn a blind eye Pretend it doesn't exist Wish it would vanish It is there. Final, with a full stop. Sometimes I wish I didn't know The rest of the #poem If I only knew the first line And repeated it over and over Until it became truth to my ears Then I would know this without a doubt: Love is not all: it is not meat nor drink Love is not all: it is not Tumblr nor Facebook Love is not all: it is not rice nor soup Love is not all: it is not air nor sight By now my words have started to make no sense But at least I would remember. Love is not all. At least, (romantic) love is not all. There is so, so, so much more.