Love #quote: Chapter 3 - Diamond Ring “He was gonna propose to me,” I told my best friend, Carmela, one afternoon. “You’re not even sure of it yet Pearl,” she told me then. It was a chilly autumn semester and all I was focused on was Jake’s proposal. I’ve finally admitted into a college and am on the road of being in the Criminal Justice Forensic Science program. Jake and I talked things out before and we decided that getting back together was the best option for the both of us. I was telling my best friend that 2 months ago, Jake and I were thinking of the married #life. Then Jake had a change of attitude and became serious. He said he wanted to tell me something, but as he was about to say it his phone rang. He looked at me after the phone call and told me that he had to go. He never got the chance to actually say what he wanted to tell me that time. I’ve tried not to mention it to him since that time, but I was so certain that he was going to propose to me. “Pearl, you can’t just jump to conclusions like this,” Carmela told me. “I know that Melz,” I replied, “but it’s an option and a possibility since we were talking about getting married and settling down that time we were talking about it.” “Pearl, I worry about you sometimes,” she said as she laughed. “Shut up Melz,” I replied with a giggle, “I worry about you too.” That night, Jake and I were talking as usual and I just happen to mention about what Melz and I were talking about. I wasn’t exactly sure if I should remind him about what he wanted to tell me before, but I was thinking of starting it off slowly. We talked about how his day was and how his week was going to be hectic this time. He said that he might not be able to talk to me as much as how we’re accustomed to talk since he was going to be really busy. Then I started to work my way up to what he wanted to tell me 2 months before. “Remember when we were talking about getting married and settling down before?” I asked him. “Yeah, why?” he was a bit shocked by me remembering, but he had a smile on his face; I could tell by the sound of his voice. “Well, you wanted to tell me something before and you got all serious. But then your phone rang and after that you never spoke of it to me anymore. I was just wondering what you wanted to tell me that made you seem so serious about it after talking or settling down.” There was an odd silence on the other line. I knew he was still there because I heard him breathing, but somehow he didn’t want to reply. “Hello?” I ask seeming as if I didn’t know if he was still there. “Truth is,” he started, “I really don’t remember. I’m sorry Pearl.” “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” I didn’t know what else to say after that. We were both silent and it was as if we’ve lost everything we wanted to talk about. As I was about to say something, he sighed and told me that he had to go. As soon as we hanged up, I called Mela to tell her all about the awkwardness. “Melz,” I nearly screamed over the phone as she answered it. “What?” she screamed too only in a concern tone. “I mentioned it to him but then as soon as we stopped talking about it, he just grew this awkward silence.” “What did he say when you mentioned it though?” “Well, he said he didn’t remember. Then he apologized. But there was something that bothered me.” “Really? What is it?” “The awkward silence after that and the rush to go, it was the same thing he did before. I don’t know and maybe it’s just me, but I think something’s wrong with him. I’m scared Melz.” “I know you’re worried Pearl, just take a breather. I bet it’s just his mom or some kind of family emergency. And as for the not remembering, maybe he’s just dealing with so much right now. Don’t get yourself so worked up for it.” I was able to breathe a little easier that night after finishing my talk with Carmela. I drifted off to sleep after doing my nightly routines, but I didn’t enter my usual dream world. I fell into a nightmare. It started off with me sitting in my room expecting for him to call, but he never did. It wasn’t such a huge deal at that time, but as days grew into weeks my paranoia started to kick in. I got a cab to surprise him at his house and excitement rushed into my system like adrenaline. But when I got there, I was the one who was surprised. I had walked into a make-out session in his living room. I thought it wasn’t him at first, but as soon as I looked a little closer and stood in front of the blaring TV facing the long loveseat, I realized that it was Jake and a blond haired girl. I screamed and rushed out of his house. I expected him to chase after me, but he never did. I went back inside the house and into the living room where I had found him. That’s when I noticed that Jake and the blond girl wasn’t just making out, she was pregnant! I had jolted out of my sleep then. It was about 3AM when I had woken up, but my cell phone was ringing. As soon as I answered it, someone on the other line hung up. I looked at the caller ID and it was Jake. What does he want to talk about at this time? I thought to myself. It was unlikely of him to call that early in the morning unless it was something really important. Just then I remembered my dream, but I just shook my head. Impossible, I thought. I didn’t make the effort to call him back because I was drained from the nightmare and scared of what he wanted to talk about at 3AM in the morning. When I awoke the next day, I made the effort to contact Jake through his phone. I wanted to ask about what he wanted when he called me the last night. It took about 3 attempts before he finally picked up. "Hey," I greeted as calmly as I can, "so you called me around 3 but when I picked up you just hung the phone up. What was that about?" "Oh," he replied with a boredom that I was never greeted with before, "now's not really a good time to talk about it." "Oh, okay. Well when can we talk about it?" "I'll let you know. But Pearl?" "Yeah?" "Can you stop calling me for a while?" His question startled me because this was a very unusual question for him to ask since he loved spending time with me on the phone and in person. "Sure I guess," I replied in a confused manner, "is there any particular reason why you are asking me this unusual question?" There was silence on the other line. I didn't know whether he had hung up or has just been thrown off by my question. "Hello," I managed to squeak through the awkward silence. "Just please don't," he replies with such authority, "I'm dealing with a lot if things right now family wise." When it comes to family matters, I know where my boundaries lie. Of course I understood and was finally able to breathe a little better. Knowing that I has nothing to worry about. "Alright Jake," I responded, "but you owe me. I love-" Then I heard a click. But I didn't hold it against him since I knew he was dealing with something personal right now. I didn't want to bother him more than how he's already been battling. I figured this has been going on with him since a month ago but I'm assuming he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to get involved and stress myself out more. After I did all my daily house chores, I decided to call Carmela and vent out what had happened this morning. I was hoping to be able to reach her because she has been living with her boyfriend and contacting her has been really tough for the past two years. I tried calling her once, then twice, then the third time. I was about to give up in the fourth attempt but she was able to answer. "Hello," she asked drowsily. Apparently she has been sleeping the while day. "Hey Melz," I managed to say without giggling so much, "Good morning sunshine." "Oh shut up," she replied realizing that I was making fun of her unproductive day, "what's up?" We both laughed before saying anything else because we knew how ridiculous we were for wing so opposite and still being able to work with each other. "Well nothing much," I said after our laughing session, "Jake and I had a conversation this morning. Can you talk?" "Yes Sweety," she replied, "what did you guys talk about? Or what happened?" "Well," I started, "He called me just to tell me to stop calling him for a while because of family matters. And I thought it had something to do with my dream. But I guess I was just over-thinking again." "What was your dream about an why would you have thought that his phone call was connected to your dream?" "Well my dream consisted of him and another girl, but this girl was pregnant and he was in a full fledged make out session with her. I thought that he was calling to tell me that he got another girl pregnant and now he has to take full responsibility for his actions. But when he assured me that he was just dealing with family issues, I was able to breathe easier." I heard a huge sigh at the other end of the line. I knew what she was thinking: Yesterday all I was talking about was getting engaged to him and now I've completely diminished that possibility because of a dream. And I though to myself: Yeah yeah. I know. "Pearl, you're just making it harder for yourself. Maybe you should just let it flow and take its own course because you can't really know where things can go from here. Plus with you dwelling on these bad scenarios, you'll just push Jake out of your #life. You already know that. I know you do." And with that I assured myself that nothing else was going on. My bestest best friend always is the one who can make me feel better, second to Jake I mean. "Okay. You're right Melz. Thanks. I just wanted to vent out. Thanks for listening to my ranting again. I love you wifey!" I love you too wifey. You know I will always be here for you no matter what happens. Good or bad, thick through thin, for better or for worst, we'll be here for each other no matter what." And with that we bid each other goodbye and I relaxed for the rest of the day tired from my daily house work chores and thinking of everything that happened this morning. I began to drift to sleep and soon I was in dreamland for the rest of the day.

Side-Story: The Vision It was a cloudy day. The rain had just stopped and a plane had just landed in arrival. The storm seemed to have left when he came back. We’re up at Okka Point, where our spot used to be, where my fairytale dream fantasy came to #life. “It still amazes me every time I come here,” Jake said. “I know,” I replied, “It’s so calming and breathtaking up here.” I looked at him and remembered all the memories we had before. In my thoughts I was asking this question I had always asked myself. Though I knew the answer to it already, I still kept asking myself. Then as I thought of this, I closed my eyes. “Can’t we start over again and make it last this time?” The question just slipped my lips. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He slowly turned his head and our eyes met. I felt myself tense and blush. I didn’t know what to think anymore because my head was just around that question. “I told you,” he finally said, “I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I don’t know if I’m ready for another one and it’s just going to distract me.” “Oh,” I replied. In my mind, I couldn’t think straight. I felt myself slipping away and I didn’t know what was really going on anymore. “Ready to go?” he said. His voice startled me and I jumped. He held onto me and I just doze off. My mind wandered and I didn’t know where I was or where I was going anymore. It was like Jake drained me of all my sanity. “Yeah,” I finally replied after gathering my words together. I turned around first and I started walking towards his car. He was just a feet away when I turned around and started running towards the edge of the cliff. He looked at me with confusion and then terror engulfed him as he put the puzzles of my actions together. Before he could stop me, I found myself in mid-air. It was as though I was flying. Then out from nowhere, time stopped and I saw my deceased cousin. She was as beautiful as before and her hand stretched out to me. “Take my hand Pearl,” her voice was soft as she called out to me. I reached for her and I found myself floating. She embraced me, and I felt warm and safe within her arms. She breathed a huge breath of relief and held me tighter. “Come with me,” she invited me, “I’ll show you how things will be after this incident. I hope you’ll learn from this mistake.” I just nodded in response. I looked down and saw my corpse lying bloodily and shattered among the rocks. Jake, terrified and in distress, panicked and called 911. The police arrived and interrogated him about what had happened. He was crying and I saw the pain in his eyes as he answered every one of the officer’s questions. I didn’t know what to say or think anymore than that. I just wanted to look away and leave. I cried and sobbed as his pain surrounded me. I looked at my cousin and she nodded at my tears. “You haven’t seen everything,” she said softly, “With the actions you have committed, things have been a struggle for those who cared and loved you so much. And this whole thing for just a guy? Think your actions through Pearl. Let’s go see your parents.” I nodded and just followed her. I closed my eyes and felt a warm light engulf me. When I opened my eyes, I was at home. I saw Mama and Papa crying and sobbing as Jake told them the terrifying news. My brother also cried and seeing all their pain, I felt as if their misery is my entire fault. I couldn’t make out of the emotions I was feelings. I didn’t want to know anymore, but I didn’t say anything to my cousin because I knew that she was doing this to teach me a lesson. As much as I wanted to turn back the time, I knew that wasn’t possible anymore. What has been done is done and is irreplaceable. My cousin saw my distress and discomfort. “Everything will be okay in the end,” she assured me, “You’ll see.” Then she smiled. That smile gave me hope about the rest of the events that were to come. The next thing she showed me was my funeral. I didn’t know what to think. There were a lot of people and it was held at JBC, my church. Although my parents were Catholic, they thought about my church and decided that it would be what I wanted. All my friends were there and they were all crying. Carmela, my bestest best sister, and Stephanie, my bestest best friend, were sobbing the most. They were the ones I was closest to. My family and friends all went to my funeral. I got cremated and was placed next to my cousin’s grave. I smiled then. “Don’t get too comfortable yet my beloved cousin,” she said, “There are more to come.” Time started to speed up. Everything looked blurred and I closed my eyes once again. “This is 3 years from now,” she informed me, “Open your eyes and see the damages you’ve caused.” Terror surfaced from the depths of my senses. I opened my eyes. I saw my parents, still grieving. My brother had succeeded and joined the military. My cousins and my grandma had separated from my family’s premises. Then everything blurred and skipped to Carmela and Stephanie. Stephanie was working, but still grieving as well. Carmela moved back to New Jersey and continued college to get her PhD in Nursing. And my other friends lived their lives casually. All of them were saved after my funeral. I was happy, but I was still troubled about what had happened. “Ready to know what happened to your friend?” Her question startled me. I nodded. Everything blurred once again and when my vision cleared, we were standing in front of a huge house. It was a two story duplex, with a purple gate. The color of the house was a combination of purple, pink, and blue. There was also a dash of black and red around the exterior of the house. “It’s beautiful!” I exclaimed to my cousin. “Of course,” she replied with a smile, “He dedicated it to you.” “Really?!” “Yes. That’s how much he loves you.” “Loves?” I asked in confusion. I didn’t get a reply from her. Then I saw Jake step out of the huge house. He wore a white suit with a red tie and black pants. He drove a black BMW Convertible detailed with red and yellow flames. “Does he have a family now?” I asked my cousin. “No,” she replied. “Oh.” As he drove out of his driveway, I started to wonder where he was going. “Let’s go find out,” my cousin said, as if she could read my mind. I nodded my head and we followed the car to the Naval Base. He entered the premises and so did we. He worked as an accountant in one of the branches in the base. Then his secretary bought him coffee and kissed him on the cheek. I felt a wave of jealousy, but I shook it off. He turned to her and eyed her. “Do you want to get fired?” he questioned. “No sir,” she replied worriedly, “I just thought you might need comfort for your troubles.” “Stop using your vocabulary to talk to me.” “I’m sorry sir. It won’t happen again.” “Get back to your work.” “Yes sir.” I never saw him irritated. This was the first time. I didn’t know why, but I felt that he didn’t want to get involved with anyone right now. As I watched his actions the whole day, I realized that he was working his butt off and trying to be as busy as possible. “He’s trying to be strong after everything,” my cousin told me. “He didn’t want to be involved with anyone else because you’re still the one he wants to be with. After what happened, he realized how much he wanted and needed no one else but you. He loved you and still loves you even after you have passed. He doesn’t want anyone to take your place because as he had said, ‘You’re unique among all other girls out there.’ Pearl, you’re irreplaceable to him. At least he’s saved; you’ll be able to see him again.” I just stared as I listened to what my cousin was telling me. I watched the guy I had loved, and still love, work in grief and agony. Tears formed in my eyes and I started to feel my throat tighten. My cousin held me as I started to sob and cry. After a while, I started to realize that a lot of people got really affected and hurt because of what I had done. I wanted to turn back time and re-do everything. I just cried and sobbed as my cousin held me. “Now do you know the effects of your actions,” she said after a while. “Yes,” I replied between sobs, “I’m sorry. I wish I could turn back the time to undo what I have done. I can’t believe what I did to everyone I love. I’m so sorry.” “It’s okay,” she assured me calmly, “Didn’t I say that everything will be okay? I just wanted to show you what would happen if you make that choice. Now you know the things that will occur after your decisions were made. So we’re going to start over. Are you ready?” I was confused, but I just nodded my head. With that, she took hold of my hand and everything spun around. I had to close my eyes because I felt sick watching the blur of colors whirl pass me by. After a while, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and there I was, back at Okka Point with Jake. I was astound and shocked to find myself back there. I was thanking God and my cousin that time had been restored and that they had granted my prayers. “Are you okay Pearl?” He was looking at me with concern and pain in his eyes. I started to feel the red hot tears build up in my eyes, but I didn’t care whether I cried there hysterically or whatnot. I grabbed him and pulled him close to me. “I’m sorry for everything,” I started to sob as I spoke the words I intended to tell him. “If I don’t care if you don’t love me anymore. I don’t care if you leave me hanging for the 20th time. I don’t care what other people would say. I don’t care if I have to hold back my feelings for you to make you happy. I don’t care. As long as I know you’re okay and content with everything right now, Jake, I’m willing to sacrifice everything for your happiness. I’m sorry but I have to tell you this one last time. I love you.” I felt the wave of emotion overcome my whole being as I wait for his response. He didn’t say a word but held onto me for dear #life. Then he pulled away and looked into my tearful eyes. “I’m sorry too, for causing you so much pain,” he started. “I never intended you to be tortured and I’m sorry if I’m also holding back on my feelings too. Truth is, I thought not loving you was going to make you feel better and make you happy, but I guess I’m wrong again. I’m so sorry Pearl. Don’t say ‘I love you’ for the last time because I’d want to hear you tell me you love me more every day. I love you too Pearl, more than you’ll ever know.” He pulled me closer and kissed me. There at Okka Point, where my fairytale dream fantasy came to #life, my fairytale began to turn once again. It gave me reason to keep going with #life and never give up on my love for the one person who made a fairytale of my #life.

Love #quote: Chapter 2 - Secrets & Lies Five months have passed, and I still haven’t been able to talk to Jake. Everything between us was a lie and that’s all that I’ve kept in mind from the time we broke up till now. I longed for him every day, not knowing what to become of me. Nothing really seemed to matter now since the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my forever with has departed from my #life, but I knew #life is a roller coaster of events. Towards the last month of my 5 month trial of longing, caring, wondering, and loving Jake, I realized it’s hopeless thinking about what could’ve been and what might’ve been if we stayed together. And within the last 2 months of this trial, I just didn’t care and didn’t expect him to ever come back anymore. Then one day, out of nowhere, Jake sent me this message: Hey Pearl. It’s Jake. I’m sorry for everything. I left you without a proper goodbye and I’m sorry for that. You must hate me for being such a jerk and I understand if you think I’m a total asshole. But Pearl, I still love you. Just know I’ll always be there for you. Take care of yourself and I hope you’re happy now. Maybe I’ll see you around. Bye. The nerve! I thought. He leaves without telling me and now he sends me a note letting me know that he’s feeling guilty! How dare him! But I realized that as I thought this, my heart raced and excitedly wondered why after all these months he would start messaging me again. I started thinking of the “what if’s” and the “possibilities” that we could have if we ever get back together. But as soon as I started thinking about it, I shook the thought off my mind. “What am I thinking?!” I told myself. “How could I possibly think of getting back together with the guy who broke my heart and who has faulted me in the long run?! No. Enough is enough! I’m not giving him a chance! No! Not even one!” I was convincing myself that I didn’t love him anymore. All I was doing was actually lying and deceiving myself. I dated other guys but no one ever compared to Jake. I was wondering if I would ever be able to move on. Then I met Blane and he made sense of my #life when I felt like I’m never going to get back up anymore. Blane had a sense of humor I could relate to and he smiled every so often that it was hard for me to not smile back. Just when I thought Blane and I were already okay and going steady, Jake called and informed me that he was coming back in 3 months. This time he assured me that he’ll stay truthful and honest to me no matter what and that he won’t ever leave me anymore. As much as I didn’t want to take him back, deep inside my heart, I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist his offer. We talked about it and we agreed that we’ll work things out when he gets here. 2 months have passed and I was anxious to see Jake again. Blane and I broke up after he found out about Jake’s return but he assured me that we’ll stay as friends. Blane and I still hanged out as though we were still together, but we knew that I was waiting for Jake all these time and we were just hurting each other. But Blane understood how important this was for me and I knew that he was just being nice. Although I still thought of being with Jake and being excited about seeing him again, I still couldn’t help wondering about Blane. Every day that I was with him, I felt an urge to take back what we had. I knew that wasn’t possible anymore because of two reasons: 1) Jake was coming back, and 2) We both knew the church wouldn’t allow us to be together. Deep inside my heart, a war was occurring. My feelings for Blane and the unrequited love I had for Jake clashed and collided with each other until I was gasping for air from all the wounds I’ve inflicted on myself trying to prevent the two from battling. Thinking about Blane and Jake, and having to choose between the two people who have made me feel complete, was giving me a huge migraine.

Side-Story: The in Between of Blane It was silent. The atmosphere around me gave an electrifying chill that surged throughout my spine. I was all alone. I knew that the person I loved would never again return in my #life. All I could think of was the horrible and saddening feeling I had in my gut. There was nothing I could do. As I lay on my bed in agony, I realized that maybe I was never meant to fall in love with anybody. I was wishing I did not have a heart; I wished I never learned to love. As the thoughts raced in my mind of what could have been and what might have been if I had the strength to hold our relationship together, the pictures and memories of our past haunted me. I did not know how else to think. I had given my #life to him and all he did was shatter my heart into a million pieces and stepped on my feelings with his muddy and uncaring attitude. Blane took my #life away when he left the presence of my #life and my world. For most parts of my remaining #life, I looked back to those memories we shared together. Even though I was never entirely with him, I realized that maybe this was in God’s plan. He made me fall in love with another person to ease the regret and #depression I was going through when Jake left. But no sooner had I met Blane did I came to think that here is someone who could alter my way of #life and help me get closer to God. I spent time with Blane so much that I grew too attached to him, and although I knew that my feelings that were being expressed and uncovered for him were leading me down a narrow road I would soon fall off from, the reassurance of Blane’s promises was what kept my conscience stable. But that did not last long. Blane started being cold to me after getting a phone call from a company in a nearby building next to his apartment. I was present at that time and to know of his condition of not having a stable income, the news of a job he was going to get hired from was certainly a shock for the both of us. When he finished the conversation, we both smiled and at that moment I said something that might have triggered his mind to depart from my #life. I told him that finally, he gets a new job and that hopefully he does not do anything to mess it up. And when he had heard me say those words, it dawned to him that staying with me was not such a good idea anymore. We have had so much sexual desire for each other that in the presence of God we were punished by his loss of his job at that time. I guess that maybe this time he had learned from that mistake and decided that leaving me was the only option for his success. After Blane stopped all the contact and all the conversations we had, I was devastated and my #depression was starting to kick in once again. I did not want to eat; neither did I want to go out with my friends. I was not able to concentrate on my work in class and I hardly ever spoke to anyone except when I was questioned by my teachers. My best friend was always there when I was in need of assistance but I did not want anyone to get involved with what I was going through. I had to deal with my burdens by myself. My mind automatically blocked him out of my head, in my heart, and in my mind. I stopped caring for him and what was happening to him. Later did I know that he still did love me and was just preparing himself for the long run. 2 months after Blane and I drifted away from each other, we met at a gathering for church. But by that time, I was already back together with Jake and I was a month pregnant with our first baby girl. Seeing him again made my time at church relieving but at the same time, I struggled to stop worrying the sadness he was feeling. I had just announced that Jake and I are engaged and that we were expecting our baby girl in about 8 more months. I was happy and glad to know that he’s healthy and that he’s finally stable with income. But what shocked me and devastated me was that he was planning a great #life with this one person he wanted to propose to at that time. He wanted to be able to give the person he loved a great #life and spend time with her again before actually proposing to her. And he looked straight at me as he prepared to tell us the rest of his plans. He told us that he cannot do that anymore because it seemed that the person he was hoping to spend the rest of his #life with was already in the arms of someone she used to love. I knew from the way he told this story, the girl he was talking about was me. I did not know what to do or what to think. As he took the ring out of his pocket and slide it towards me, I saw a tear run down his cheek. All I could think about was how stupid and ignorant I was that I did not think of the possibilities that were in store for us. I did not know whether I should regret being with Jake again or be happy and content with what I have and not worry about Blane. My mind was rushing with all the things that could have happened if I waited for him and how it would all be worth it in the end. But as I thought of this, I realized that the reality was here. I was engaged, I was pregnant, and I was back with Jake. It’s too late now to do anything between me and Blane. I just cried; hoping I would just wake up and all these were just a dream. Blane, the guy who once took my #life away, was ready to spend the rest of his #life with me and I cannot do anything about it.

Love #quote: Chapter 1 - Promises If you were in a room with rose petals and candle lights, what would you feel? Romance take place and magic happens right? It's a set up. Someone is trying to win you over. Better tell that person to back off. As for me, the rose petals and candle lights were sweet. But what was sweeter was when Jake swept me off my feet and carried me to the bed. You'd think something magical would happen right? I thought so too. He was half naked for peat sake! And his masculine figure would make you want to love him on the spot! But magic did happen. Magic that no one would ever anticipate a guy would do. After laying me down on the bed, he took his place beside me and kissed my lips. But after that we just talked. And he told me how special I am to him. It may sound corny. But I’d love a guy whose intention is not only sex. But to actually get to know the person so much that he can distinguish her dislikes within a minute. When I woke up this morning, there he was sitting in his chair next to the bed. I didn't know what to think because it looked like he slept there for the whole night. But he looked at me and smiled. He said "Baby don't get up. I have something for you." Then he left and when he came back. He had a tray for me. He made me breakfast. Then he fed me even though I told him I’d do it myself. He also bought me new clothes to wear. I knew they were clothes and they were mine because I saw a ROSS bag hidden behind the chair and it had my name on the present. Can't wait for the party later. It’s been 2 months now since meh and Jake started dating. Jake stared into my eyes and told me how much I meant the world to him. Tears ran down my cheeks and he kissed them away. He asked me what's wrong and I responded by telling him that maybe he's also lying to meh. But he said he'll prove to me that I’m everything to him. This was my last day to spend time with him because I was leaving the next day. I wasn't going to come back for a few months but he said he'll wait for me. In my head, I told myself that his promises and words are just lies and I cried again. It's been 2 years now since I’ve last seen and been with Jake. True I came back for a week or two because it was necessary, but I never scheduled any meetings with him. I'm still in Baguio packing my things ready to come back after taking college for those 2 years. Finally I’ve tested the waters and go back to my so called "island #lifestyle". And I’ve been much improved by my motivations to move forward. I wondered how Jake was doing but didn't think too much. By now, maybe, he'd forgotten me already. I sat there in the plane to go back to the little island of Guam. I reminisced about the things Jake promised me. He told me he wasn't ever going to hurt me, not let go, not give up, stay faithful and strong for us, prove the world wrong, always be there for me, accept me for who I am, never lose love for me, and love me no matter what. I fell into a dream when he made me his and I’d given my everything to him. And then when we were overlooking the sea from Two Lovers Point before I left. I woke up. I've landed and all I could think of was seeing my parents and my li'l cousins. I stepped out of the arrival station and on the other side of the door were my family and my friends holding up a huge banner welcoming meh back! I was so thrilled to see them all and get to hang out with them again. Then suddenly my stomach felt weird and I started getting light headed. There in the middle of my mob of friend was Jake surrounded with his friends and my friends. Could I bear see him again? I wanted to run away. As much as I wanted to run back to the plane and go back to PI, I knew I had to face this. So I walk out and everyone, including Jake, comes rushing in to greet me. My family was first and then my friends. I guess Jake wanted me for himself because he came up to me last. He looked at me and greeted me with a warm "Hello". I half expected him to kiss and embrace meh but he just held out his hand for me to shake. So I did. We were all heading home but my friends wanted to hang out with Jake. I declined. When I got home that night, I realized that I’ve been really cold to Jake. I mean he was just trying to be polite since my family and friends were there. So instead of going to sleep and getting some rest (I was really tired too), I called Jake. He picked up and ask me how I was doing. I said I was fine. He asked me if I wanted him to stop by and I said I’d rather much talk to talk to him in person instead of through phone so I said yes. When he arrived, I met him outside my gate and invited him to sit with meh at the garden instead of going inside. He was in a leather jacket and was wearing jeans. His hair was spiked up and he wore a black top with a skull for a design. Perfect, I thought. We were alone and the night was cold since it had only stopped raining, but I held myself because I did want to talk to him. "I'm sorry about a while ago," I started, "I mean being mean to you and stuff at the airport." "It's okay," he replied, "it’s okay, I understand. I'm sorry too. Maybe you wanted more out of that simple greeting." "Like what?" I asked. Then he kissed me and embraced me in the cold night. I couldn't let go and I couldn't imagine how much I’ve really missed him all those years. I thought he's forgotten me but here he was, taking me into his warm arms once again with no intention of creating spaces between us. Then his kisses stopped and his arms loosened. He stared into my eyes and for once I felt that we were the only people in the world. "I told you I’d wait for you and prove you that I’m not like others out there," he said, "Do you believe me now?" "Yeah," I said choking in tears, "Thanks for not giving up on meh." "You know I can never let you go, you're one of the most amazing and unique girls I’ve ever met." "I know, you too. I'm sorry. I doubted you, and I kind of thought you'd forget about meh since I’ve been gone for 2 years. I know i shouldn't have thought of that but I had a lot of things bugging me and--" Then he kissed me so tenderly and fiercely I thought he'd gotten mad at me for being stupid and naive. After a long while, he pulled away. "I'm just glad you're back." he said. "I've missed you so much. I never thought I could love someone this long. No contact. Nothing. But my love for you stayed and it burnt more with every passing day I thought of your return. I'm sorry. I just missed you so much and I guess I just--" Now it was my turn. I lunged for his lips and kissed him. I held onto him like the world was in his last minutes and just kept him there. He also pulled meh closer to him intending to make every spaces between us disappear. After last night, I felt more relaxed waking up the next morning. I checked my cell to see if Jake had left any messages for me. There was nothing. I got up to get breakfast and he was there in the living room. He slept on the sofa and I couldn't help but giggle. I walked over to him as I closely watched him sleep. I had an urge to kiss his cherry colored lips but I restrained myself from doing so. I headed for the kitchen to find that my mom had prepared a meal for two on the counter. I just smiled. I felt arms wrapping themselves around my waist. Then a kiss on my cheek. I look up to see his twinkling eyes admiring meh. He turned meh around and kissed my lips. Even though my morning had just started, I felt that I just wanted to crawl back into bed with him. I was feeling seductive somehow. I led him to the room and it was as if he'd already known. But he didn't permit my hormones from controlling meh. I can see he was trying not to get pulled into my sexual behavior. He just kissed my forehead. For the rest of the day, I stayed in bed while he labored around the house. I felt bad cuz this was in fact my house, but he was taking every time he had to just clean it. I couldn't watch him labor in my own private environment any longer. I got up and walked straight up to him as he swept my tile covered floor. "Jake, you don't have to do that," I started, "I feel bad that you take the effort to clean the mess I should handle and I just think that's not right, especially since you're my guess here." "Pearl," he replied soothingly, "It's okay. I wanna do this for you. I mean, I don't want to stress you out too often. I wanna be able to make you relax even just for some time. I just wanna make you happy." "Jake, you always make me happy. You don't always have to do the things you always do to make me happy. You're just actually making me feel more disappointed in myself cuz you're doing work for meh." "Oh," he said depressingly, "I didn't know. I'm so sorry Baby. But I don't think I can stop being like this. I mean if you want me to change, I could, but it'll take time for me to do that." "Jake," I replied sweetly, "You don't have to change anything for meh. I love you just the way you are and I hope you feel the same way for meh. I mean I know I can be really cold sometimes, but we both know we're strong enough to weather through it all. I told you that I’ll love you for who you are and what you are, and I’ll never intend in changing anything about you." He took me into his arms and held onto meh as if I was to disappear once more for the last time. I embraced him, never intending to let go, as he reached for my face caressing it with his warm, smooth hands. His face came lower, his nose touched mine, and I knew what he was after. I leaned in as well for that kiss I’ve longed to always feel. This kiss was not like any of the others I’ve felt; then again his kisses have always felt different each time his lips touch mine. This time, I felt the vibe of electric currents pulsing my veins with every anticipation to pull him closer and never let go. I knew he felt the same way; the wave of hormones we always seem to share each time our bodies touched, even just for the slightest bit. Sweeping meh off my feet, he carried me back to my room, settling meh down on my bed, joining me by my side, and wrapping the silky blanket around us as if we were entering our own world in our own time. Both souls didn't resist; both not wanting time to end; for every time their bodies were caressed within each others' reach, their temptation and bond with each other then becomes inseparable. The night went by like a bullet. I woke up just to find that my clothes scattered all over the floor. Jake; however was nowhere by my side. I checked outside to find that he has left and that he has also taken all of his belongings with him. Right then and there, I knew it was all over. He didn't love me at all; everything was just talk. After he got what he wanted, the one thing I never wanted to give him before, he left meh cold and alone. I knew he was just one of the many other guys who have been with me just to take advantage my kind heart. I regretted giving myself to Jake. I regretted that night. He just proved to me that all the guys are the same. And yet, even with this in mind, I still loved him. I shed tears the whole day just thinking of the lies and promises he has broken and made up to get me. And even though how much I despised and regretted him, my heart wouldn't stop beating for him and screaming his name. I wondered, for the whole day and the whole night, what will happen to me now that he's gone. Where does my future lie now? I wondered and thought.