Still Lonely I've done the right thing by saying goodbye. I committed my #life to my family, and I try. So much good has come through this pain. So why do I want to go back again? I've learned to love my spouse in a whole new way And #life is so good. I'll never again stray. But when it's dark and I look at what's real, Loneliness is what I feel. There's no logic to this as I'm loved by many. My spouse works hard to show me he loves me. I have friends who are true and loving family galore, So why oh why do I always need more? I know the answer but it's taboo to say, I left it all behind at boot camp that day. I made a promise to God, Myself, and J, I would never betray us. There's no earthly way. But on this simple page I need to confess, My soul is so lonely and I'm living with less. I'm doing what's right and so is he But we know we are soul mates who are meant to be. He's the love of my #life, but I love J too, I honestly sometimes don't know what I'll do. I'm living the #life God created me to live, But I pray everyday for Him to give A chance for us to be together, When the time is right. I can't bear never. I've accepted this loneliness as a debt I must pay, But oh how I wish I was in his arms today.
I Wonder- A Foster Child's #life I wonder What it feels like to have a home, What it's like to be held when you're scared. I wonder What it's like to be "everything" to just one person, What it's like to feel loved and cherished. I wonder How it feels to have a bedroom, Or to pick out your own comforter and pictures for your walls. I wonder If my mom and dad ever think about me, Miss me, Cry about me. I wonder If they know how much I love them and miss them and always will. I wonder How it would feel to have Christmas in the same house with the same people every year, or what it's like to have a birthday party just for you. I wonder Why I never get to stay at a house when I do everything I'm supposed to do. I wonder If I'll ever be at a school long enough to learn and to make friends And if my old friends even remember me. I wonder Why I was born if even my own parents didn't want me And what's going to happen to me. I wonder Why losing your family isn't enough, Why you have to be made fun of and laughed at when you didn't even do anything. I wonder If my brothers and sisters are okay, And if they cry at night like I do, And if I'll ever see them again. I wonder What it's like to be a kid, A kid who plays and laughs and has fun, Who doesn't worry all the time and have to act okay. I wonder What it's like to feel safe And not be afraid of what happens when the lights go out. I wonder if I'll ever see my family again And if they even think of me. I wonder why I've been forgotten And if anyone will ever love me. My #life is full of wondering! I wish it was full of love!
If You Were Mine- If you were mine, I'd be giving you the best birthday celebration ever. You'd choose where to go, what to do, what gifts you like, and even what you'd like me to wear. If you were mine, I'd have a new goal in #life. For the rest of my #life, this goal would be to make you the happiest man alive and to make you see in yourself the man I see and love. If you were mine, we'd make mad, passionate love every night, and you'd never hear me deny you anything. The ecstasy from our passion would carry us through everything. If you were mine, neither one of us would turn to alcohol for escape and numbing. We would help each other face our demons, and we would comfort each other in away we've never experienced before. We wouldn't hide- we'd only need each others arms. If you were mine, we'd go to dinner and dancing and concerts and hiking and all kinds of adventures, and oh, we would laugh more than we ever cry! If you were mine Mr. Nine, I'd do everything in my power to never make you regret it. The pain and ugliness wouldn't be there anymore. I'd give you pure joy! But finally, if I was yours, I'd never need anything again. You are all I desire! Happy birthday my love- you'll always be mine in my dreams! I'm thankful you are on this earth and I love you!