cold rain fills the hollows and valleys while a fierce wind toss over every leaf a dark never ending night illuminated with flashes of lightning shining a light on all my secrets. the rain washes away all the dirt and debris that covers the hidden details i never wanted to find the wind whips up lost memorys that i didnt want returned the cold cruel lightning gives me a hope a hope torn away by the night where there was once a beautiful garden full of promise and love there is now a wasteland poisened with betrayal and disappointment for theres a storm inside my head and its murdered all the flowers

i learnt the meaning of strength when i stood between my stepdad and my fallen mother didnt he love her? age 9 i learnt the meaning of fear when my mother turned on my stepsister viciously was i next? age 10 i learnt the meaning of shame when my sister blamed me for her misfortune why did i stop him? age 10 i learnt the meaning of loss when i saw my friend with her loving dad where was mine? age 11 i learnt the meaning of hatred when i realised that he left me for them was i not good enough? age 12 i learnt the meaning of self doubt when my best friend laughed in my face and said she hated me did i hurt you? age 13 i learnt the meaning of pain when my heart shattered and i dragged that blade across my wrist i deserved it age 13 i learnt the meaning of disgust when i looked in the mirror and saw what you described i couldnt unsee it age 14 i learnt the meaning of alone as i sat awake in the dark at 3 am their words ringing in my head age 15 i learnt the meaning of hope when you told me it was ok and didnt change how you felt how did you feel? age 15 i learnt the meaning of head over heels when we spoke for hours and you called me beautiful i didnt belive you at first yesterday i wonder what words you will teach me with your contagious smile and the infectious joy that only you bring tomorrow you taught me the meaning of betrayal when i heard from a friend of a friend i wasnt enough 2 weeks later you taught me the meaning of heartache when i wondered what i did wrong and blamed myself every day between then and yesterday you taught me the meaning of independance when i learnt that i am enough on my own today

oneday you will see, the monster inside of me, and that will be the day, you leave. someday i will taste, the ashes of your faith, and watch them crumble, and burn. oneday i will break, shatter and fall apart, and that will be the day, i remember. someday i will leave, this cruel burning stage, and forget the pain that, it caused. oneday i will sleep, drifting in the blessed dark, and that is the day for which, i long.

you smile sadly your eyes old beyond your years you laugh bitterly in the face of excitement already privy of the disappointment to come you walk back straightened by the pain you have yet to feel each step taking you closer to the hell you have envisioned you are too young to hate this world and yet you are full of its bitter poison

dear asshole dear asshole please kindly refrain from scorning my friends with such distain dear asshole i beg of you stop ruining lives when you're in a strop dear asshole my best friends gay so please keep your homophobic comments at bay dear asshole do try and recall your opinions mean nothing to me much to your gall dear asshole you can call me names i still will not play your petty games dear asshole get lost and do me a favour for the taste of your medicine is a bitter flavour