i learnt the meaning of strength when i stood between my stepdad and my fallen mother didnt he love her? age 9 i learnt the meaning of fear when my mother turned on my stepsister viciously was i next? age 10 i learnt the meaning of shame when my sister blamed me for her misfortune why did i stop him? age 10 i learnt the meaning of loss when i saw my friend with her loving dad where was mine? age 11 i learnt the meaning of hatred when i realised that he left me for them was i not good enough? age 12 i learnt the meaning of self doubt when my best friend laughed in my face and said she hated me did i hurt you? age 13 i learnt the meaning of pain when my heart shattered and i dragged that blade across my wrist i deserved it age 13 i learnt the meaning of disgust when i looked in the mirror and saw what you described i couldnt unsee it age 14 i learnt the meaning of alone as i sat awake in the dark at 3 am their words ringing in my head age 15 i learnt the meaning of hope when you told me it was ok and didnt change how you felt how did you feel? age 15 i learnt the meaning of head over heels when we spoke for hours and you called me beautiful i didnt belive you at first yesterday i wonder what words you will teach me with your contagious smile and the infectious joy that only you bring tomorrow you taught me the meaning of betrayal when i heard from a friend of a friend i wasnt enough 2 weeks later you taught me the meaning of heartache when i wondered what i did wrong and blamed myself every day between then and yesterday you taught me the meaning of independance when i learnt that i am enough on my own today