Have you ever lost someone that was really close to you or someone that you really care about. Either a old partner or an old bestfriend or family or just someone. Have you ever just wish that they could walk back into your #life because when they were in your #life everything seemed so perfect and so simple but they before you blink your eyes there gone just like that its either over some stupid reason or no reason at all.

When I wake up every day I just want to be happy but my body doesn't let that work I try so motherfucking hard but I still can't seem to move things might seems perfect but In my head nothing's working please someone explain to me what's happening because I don't understand. You'll see me pass on the streets see me smiling and laughing at my own jokes but that's only trying hide my dark soul I try to move on I try to keep going but something inside me is stopping. The docs say go on meds and calm down but how do I tell them that I'm scared to feel nothing and that I don't want to feel nothing I want to feel something I want to feel my broken heart and my pain I've been stuck with it my whole #life and now it's apart of me I can't seem to get rid of it and I don't know if I could face not feeling my pain anymore so I continue on with #life and with my broken heart I've been trying to hide it and trying to fight it but I'm losing the battle and I'm going insane. Laying down every night but no sleep coming my way my brain won't shut the fuck up it's been doing this all day do you know what it's like to have to fight with yourself trying to seem happy without liking yourself it could all be over by just blasting yourself but I ain't the one to give up in this fight I need help. I try to talk to my mum but every time I open my mouth the words don't seem to come out so I get a paper and pen I write down in notes it's really all I need do to get these words out of my mouth and I ain't looking for someone to feel sorry for me nah I'm just trying to explain all the pain I've got inside and if you think I'm distance your probably right people ask me are you okay and I'll be like nah I'm alright it's an every day battle like I'm in war with myself if you feel what I'm saying keep your head up and if you need someone to talk to hit my line up please don't ever give up until your times up things will get better it's just gonna take some time

Ive never felt so alone.. i used to have everything i used to have friends i used to have family i used to be happy and i used to have a reason to go out and now i have one friend left that i hardly see i dont really see my family anymore so now i feel like im alone in this big world im trying so hard to get my #life sorted and do things i need to do for my future but i cant even do that i dont see a ponit in #life anymore but im trying to hang in there for my little cousins.. they need someone there for them even tho i dont see them all the time everytime i do see them they smile and thats why i need to stay strong but its not always its i just want to drop everything and run away from my problems but maybe that is my problem maybe ive been running for to long and now maybe i just need to deal with my problems because #life is full of problems weather we like it or not we have to deal with it.

Every morning when i wake up i dont want to wake up every night when i want to sleep i cant fall asleep and everyday when i feel broken i still crack a smile and some jokes just to pretend im fine no one sees the pain in my eyes no one sees the tears in my eyes and no one knows i have a broken heart because every single day ill hold my head high smile and pretend im fine but everynight ill cry myself to sleep and tell myself everything will be okay even tho i know thats a lie i just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay but when i was trying to make myself happy i pushed everyone away and now i feel so alone in this big horriable world. I miss those days were i wanted to go to school i miss those days were i wanted to wake up i miss those days when my smile was real i miss those days were i could fall asleep as soon as i closed my eyes i miss those days were i was close to my family i miss those days were i would laugh so hard and mostly i miss those days when i was happy with no stress...

Believe In Yourself I never believed in myself from day one i would always try to rely on someone else for my happiness either it was a bestfriend or just a friend or a partner or a family member but i learnt the hard way that no one can make you happy but ypurself if you want to change something in your #life your the one that can do it not even your parents can make you happy even if they try they just cant your the only one that can make yourself happy and have fun and thats when i realised that i need to stop worrying about everyone else and i need to fix my own #life forst cause i come first not anyone else and yeah i havent done everything that i need to yet but im getting there slowly you dont need to ruch getting your #life sorted you have to take it day by day and if that means sticking to yourself then do it trust me i lost most of my friends when i was trying to make myself happy but that just moved me who my true friends are. I only had one friend left but shes never really there for me and she doesnt understand why i never want to go out anymore well i guess because im just sick of all the drama and i want to get my #life back on track.