Feeling empty and hollow.. You try to be good and supportive.. It just feels like people take more than you give them, so if you are tolerant towards a situation they tend to stretch it out as much they can.. But where is it that you draw the line? How do you draw the line? Why is easier for others to distance themselves? I think it's because I tend to care more than others.... The feeling of being lonely is just awful... The feeling of having a nice friend would make up for the hollow I feel.. Or so I think at the moment.. I'm just a ball of nerves, I feel that I want to explode, scream at the top of my lungs, cry till I can cry no more... The feeling of having no one to talk to talk, no one to understand, no one to make you feel better is just normality for me... Why is it just me that wants others to feel ok whereas when it comes to me they couldn't care less because they are so self absorbed.... Ever felt like walking away from it all.. Because I do, everyday.... I would love to see what they would do if I walked away.. But then again I don't think they would mind.. Promises of change and change but never any change..don't that make you feel special.. That means that person is not worried about loosing u at all.. I am so disappointed .. I wonder how he would feel if he was not the only one anymore... Fuck all this..time to move on because what if I don't get to see tomorrow what if soon will be the end... Need to make the best of the time I spend.. Need to live like I don't plan to wake up... Need to make a list because I only have one #life which I will never see again and I want to be able to say I want to do it all again if I went back... Time to live it one more time!!!!! This song is so inspirational I really need it right now...

Do You Think You Are Confused? I feel alone :-(, my fiancée is so busy these days with work whereas my family is even more busy. Even though I feel like spending time with him, when I get finally get to spend time, I tend to regret it because generally he's too stressed out and even if he doesn't notice he tends to take it out on me. This is the exact moment where I just want to walk away forever... I didn't even go to the gym these days because of the asthma getting in the way which is surely triggered by stress. I love drakes new song 'hold on'... It's so dreamy... It's so hard to trust as well because I know how girls are outside and men can be weak. I'm so confused about many things... I think I live in a constant state of confusion... Very funny but so sad when I stop and think about things... I'm so bored of all this, I'm trying to find alternatives but when it comes to hobbies or friends it's not like I haven't ventured in such situations and they tend to take advantage of me because I just can't say no :-( I am lacking attention, I think it's obvious.. When I talk about attention I don't mean it as an exhibitionist but just in terms of company. :-( I remember how it used to be with my fiancée, he couldn't even stop talking to me the whole day.. It felt so good.. He looked totally in love... Did I mention what a psycho his ex fiancée is? Lol... She needs to be sedated, just imagine she hacked into his email changed his blackberry ID password and with her phone she took over all his contacts. I truly think she's out of it. Maybe horse tranquillisers will do? :-D I'm not saying I don't have any stalkers but mine are so scared of my fiancée that they keep a low profile. He wanted me to keep calm about this BBM issue but it just gets me angry, if it had been the other way round he would have done something insane... All the crap I put up with you just have no idea :-( Why is it one rule for one? And another rule for the other one ? How is that fair? Ahhhhhhhhh!!! Ever felt like you just want to scream?

Soooooo Lonely So I am alone as per usual, me, myself and I. I've been so stressed its awful and imagine I got a reply from the pedophile. He basically ended up blaming me, he even said that as a child my body smell was inviting him. It's just so sickening. I want to just vomit. In regards to my fiancée oww.. It's sad really.. We can't say 2 words without a fight anymore like Sean Paul says. I feel incredibly empty. I realised I have no one. No friends. Busy family. Everyone is self absorbed.

The Challenge I had the worst idea... The worst idea being that I decided to talk to my fiancée clearly about how I feel. It was hopeless, I think he felt attacked when all I was trying to do was to figure out what is wrong for him to be acting up with me. The verdict? Bad idea, I just came to find out I have so many faults, every fault he has, I came to find out I have double... I feel drained now, disappointed and I totally gave up... We are not ready for the big step at all.. It was weird the feeling I had was of emptiness... Beat that... I'm so disappointed I don't see any way to improve this crap, he sees too much negative in me (that's what I see) whereas he justified it as he loves me so much to the point he can deal with anything.. I will not talk to him about anything anymore.. I will be quiet little me.. Busy and tired.. Lets see how many days I can go with this goal.. I just want to make futile talk, let's see what happens...

Way Too Much.. So here goes another day in my #life.. Yesterday, I went to Dubai Mall, it was full of guys hunting girls.. It's so disturbing both girls and guys stare at you, judge you, talk about you... I saw in the mall someone who hurt my feelings so much, the day went awful after and before that...I felt so sick in my stomach I don't know how I didn't faint or throw up... :-( The lady at the salon charged me double... The 7up exploded all over my clothes... My fiancée as usual so stressed out, he keeps giving me answers that are not nice neither in tone nor in essence... ( I think yesterday he felt I didn't feel ok because he got me some cute things after this), but then again the process starts again. Today I thought it would be good for me to ask him if he thinks he is easy going.. He said yes and supported his answer with valuable examples. However, he made clear to me that he does things he doesn't want to do with me... He made clear that I don't listen and it is expected of me.. Like for example when in the lift I don't stand next him.. That's not acceptable... Acceptable or not acceptable? I'm starting to feel like nothing is acceptable for a woman... I'm starting to feel like all men make me feel sick(sorry guys, I don't mean for friendship).. I don't have anyone really... I'm so alone.. I did so much work for 2 days I thought I did great... I'm starting to think I'm not made out for marriage.. I'm so freaked out.. I have so many mixed feelings.. I'm so sad, I have to keep everything in my heart because these people don't understand me, don't support me, they are too busy with their own lives... Or to busy trying to defend themselves because they think they are being attacked... Oh, he also told me he thinks I don't appreciate all the things he does..& that it also looks I don't enjoy my alone time with him.. To be honest I do appreciate what he does and I also make sure I do things for him, but in regards to the quality of us being together, well it's not rocket science to understand its not that great.. It's just the manner in which he speaks to me... I keep making excuses for it and giving chance over chance... I give up...