I Am Becoming I am becoming a rock. Not one of those beautiful smooth precious stones that startle all those who set sight on them, but a rather brittle stone like the ones you see on a sea shore. A stone or a rock which ever suits the meaning best for it doesn't matter in the end it feels the same. I was once one of those beautiful precious stones I was a diamond; the best of all. Shining in the sun I used to reflect colours and draw smiles on all the faces around me. Crowds used to stare in awe "Remarkable" they said as they witnessed how hopeful and positive I was. A positive junkie I no longer am, as I tumbled down the dark valley that is #life I found myself losing the ability to reflect all the joy and wonder I used to believe #life held, for I couldn't see it anymore. All the blood had been sucked out of my veins replaced by space, taking away the shreds of who I used to be leaving a cold vulnerability that you could not witness unless you looked up close. The more I lost light the more people thought I was becoming stronger, they could not fathom that I was my strongest when I was a diamond. I try as hard as I may to conceal the emptiness that once was filled by the flowing river of hope that gave me warmth and strength against all the cynical in #life. Cynical, ha I used to pity all the pessimists, "How awful must their #life be?" I used to question, how they live a #life expecting all their nightmares to take place was beyond me. And now as I stare into the horizon I wonder what has become of me? I look back at those times in a moment of contemplation and I realize that like a rock now I am indifferent. I just sit witnessing the #life around me I am no longer moved, neither physically nor emotionally. At least I have comfort in knowing I'm not mature, strong, or wise as people might say but rather dark, hard, and brittle. My knowledge of such fact can be the force that opens a window to the light that once shone. I could be whole again.

Never Ending Battle In the outskirts of #life I'm here screaming on my own, Can anyone feel the pain that is shattering my bones? My soul is about to explode yearning for some relief, Oh what happened to the #life I used to lead, I just can't seem to find the tranquility I once had in my sleep, Why is it that suddenly everything changed? Oh How I long for a new start; a blank page The darkness that's surrounding me is bound to meet light, I'm not the kind of warrior that gives up the fight, I keep on searching, wondering, hoping for peace, But #life is determined to keep me down, To break me down piece by piece, Mend all the pieces and glue them together, Live #life fully and hope for the better, Give #life a chance be optimistic, Love all the imperfections because flaws; they don't matter, Days come when I believe and keep going, Other hold sadness and I find myself mourning, I pray for strength to hold my balance, Darkness may overwhelm, remember prudence, Again I long for relief from this never ending battle, Who said growing up was such a glamours matter?

Would You Hate Me If you could read my thoughts, If you could go through my #life like an open book, If you could see me for who I really am, Would you hate me? Sometimes I feel I would despise myself, Had all the above been given to thought, Sometimes I sink and drown in self loathe, Till there is no more hatred left to hold, I do believe that the flaws we see in others are the reflection of ourselves, But do we owe ourselves some forgiveness? Can someone truly be as messed up as me? Is it ok to be as flawed a person as I am? Could repentance hover and could I be able to finally be free?

Random Thoughts 2 A Dream Sometimes I feel like I’m waiting here all on my own; waiting for my #life to finally take form. Sometimes I feel like I’m living the exact opposite #life of my dreams, but then again they’re way too wide to fit into the box; that is my #life. Limitations are all around me and they wonder why I hate the word “No”, they wonder why I oppose, they wonder why I lose hope, and I constantly wonder will I ever live the #life I’m meant for? How will I explore when I’m instructed to walk on eggshells? How will I defend when I’m supposed not to put myself in any harm? How will I spread my thoughts when there is no channel? I wonder will I ever get where I want to be. I want to smell the breeze on an island half way through the world, I want to walk in time square and feel the glamour of Broadway, I want to explore the countries with cultures that date back when certain other countries weren’t even born. I want to know history but not care about the dates. I want to be entertained with the beauties and wonders that live far away from man harm. I want to speak justice in a live stream to the whole world. I want to save the hungry and shelter the poor while listening to their stories and telling them mine. I want to save lives and help people all over the world. I pray I could make the world a better place, I pray I could help in constructing a worldwide civilization where no one would be harmed, where there would be no use of armies, where everyone around the world would be treated equally because we share humanity. Will this dream ever come true?

Random Thoughts I don't know what my biggest fear is... I know I'm afraid of heights, cats, closed places, but I have to face those on a daily basis so neither one of them can possibly be my biggest... I know I'm afraid of public speaking and I'm afraid of death, but I don't venture into them much... I know I'm afraid of failure but I've failed and pulled myself back up before... I guess what frightens me the most is a #life without a purpose; being lost without a reason of being. I'm so afraid of being purposeless that I've come to do nothing about it... But I know I'm not a coward and that one day I'll face it.. I know I will inshallah