To Say And it is not to say, That the sun doesn't shine without you It does. But what used to be A glowing, orange ball that brought warmth in its rays and hope in its rising And #life in its existence Is just a burning ball That nobody cares enough to extinguish. And it is not to say, That the world doesn't spin without you It does. But what used to be normal, What used to be necessary Now just replicates the spinning in my head And my stomach when I think of you And now just makes me feel Uncomfortably sick. And it is not to say, That I cannot love without you I can. I feel a universal love for the world on some days But everything I see Is tinged with tears of sadness And slashes of hatred That make it almost impossible to love Anything but you. And it is not to say, That I can't win without you I can. Sometimes I win on scratch cards, Or I win a prize at the arcades When I'd much rather be at home With a bellyache from nothing other than thinking of you Because winning doesn't feel like winning When you've already lost everything that made sense And it is not to say, That I can't smile without you I can. But while I used to smile through happiness, I now smile through confusion I get my confusion only from you, And a fear rooting itself in my heart That whispers; you will never understand anything Like you understood her; Like she understood you And it is not to say, That I cannot live without you. I can, and I do. It is to say; Without you, the sun shines, but I don't feel it. Without you, the world spins, but it only reminds me of you. Without you, I can love, but never like I loved you; never unconditional, never real, never permanent. Without you, I can win, but I do not care for the prize. Without you, I can smile, but only until I remember that you do not love me. Without you, I can live, But without you, I do not want to.