I used to see beauty in the things I wrote poetry about and now I'm just trying to see beauty in my ability to make ugly things seem beautiful.

In The End, Vodka Burns She's a firm believer that coffee can take the pain away She lives day by day in a winter chill, getting the #life drained out of her before her very own piercing brown eyes And her mind is in a constant state of fog and bad weather. She never bothers to warn anyone to drive carefully. She's a heartbreaker, too cold to be hurt. Though you'd think her heart was already broken. She's quite, and sometimes dishonest. She doesn't ever want you to know how she feels, She doesn't even know herself. But she smiles often. And whenever she does, you'll be able to smell the coffee on her breath. You'll think you've fallen in love with her, when you've never even met her. Few people have. But she'll let you kiss her anyway, She's always searching for something to thaw out the ice in her veins. And when your lips intertwine, it will be the perfect blend of mad addictions. She'll be overwhelmingly fascinated with the intense mix of caffeine and alcohol, She will convince herself in love. One day while she's freezing cold and desperate for heat, she'll allow your vodka-tasting tongue to tangle with her own, and she'll let the cheap liquor seep into her pores. But in the end her throat will burn and her heart will be in flames. She needed so badly to be warmed But now she's on fire, You being the only person who can put her out But you won't know how, You never will. Because you were never capable of understanding a girl So black and white, with no grays in between. You were her heat And she had your heart But oh God, All she needed was her coffee.

She was just a child Full of innocence and light, Aware of all the monsters But unsure of who to fight. One day while she was all alone, she begged the monster, "Please!" And all day long the monster followed, filling the child with ease. All night long the monster lurked, always posing a threat. Now all #life long the child will have a mind full of regret.

The Story About The Dreamer Chapter 9 I can't. I just ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me. The only good thing that's ever happened to me. I've never felt so obsessed and amazed by one person before. He was my best friend. I've never had a friend before. I think I was in love with him. I've never loved anyone before. And it will never happen again. And it's my fault. But I still can't. He thinks I'm crazy. My parents think I'm crazy. Everyone at school probably thinks I'm crazy. I can't go back there again. I really can't though. My dad is going to hate me so much. He will never stop-... I'll miss so much school from the visible beatings that I'll never be able to graduate high school. He'll make me pay for all the money he's spending on keeping me locked up in this nut house. And mom won't do a thing. I shouldn't do this. I'm only 16. But... My future will be me dropping out of high school, moving out, getting a shitty job, never getting married because I'm afraid of all men but most likely letting them all use and abuse me because I'm just messed up like that. And I don't want to be around for all that. So I guess I could. No one will miss me. And I will be happy. So maybe... Suddenly I hear a door open behind me. I look back to see the nurses shocked and terrified expression as I'm slowly inching closer and closer to death. So it's decided. I will. I turn around and smile at the nurse as she begins to run towards me. She screams and that makes me laugh a little. Right before she can grab me and pull me back into my tortuous #life, I slide off the edge of the building. And I fall. Falling. I feel free. As though I can fly. I have all control now. It feels amazing. I come closer and closer to my death and I regret absolutely nothing. As I come closer to death, I come closer to dreaming. Then I will dream forever. And that's the whole story.

The Story About The Dreamer Chapter 8 "Damn it Jeremy!" Now I'm really screaming. I've lost it. I can't control what I say or do anymore. I don't know what's going on. "I don't want you to be the only reason I'm alive, ok? Don't you understand that!" Do I believe what I'm saying to him? Anger just keeps boiling and I can't even think straight. I'm going crazy. I am crazy. "I could help you and-" he tries to speak but I cut him off. "I don't need help! I've been here for three fucking months and NOTHING has changed! Help will not fix anything. Help will not-..." I can't finish. I can't breath. I stare at the ground and try to catch my breath and control myself. I open my mouth to apologize when I say, "get out." That's not what I meant! Why did I say that? I feel like crying. I feel like talking. And telling the truth. But I can't and I don't understand why. I don't understand anything anymore. "What?" Jeremy sounds confused. I want to say never mind. I want to tell him to stay but instead I say, "get the fuck out Jeremy." I look up but I can't look into his eyes. It's too hard. I don't want to see the expression on his face so I stare at his legs. Still standing in the room. He must think I'm crazy. "Fucking get out! OUT!" I close my eyes and listen to his quick footsteps. Then the door slam. What have I done?