Yesterday Yesterday you came by. Yesterday I was not alive but you brought me back to #life. You made me smile. You made me feel alive. My mood went up and down but at least you made me smile. Hours before what you don't know is that I cried. Cried because I was tired. Tired of the things going on. Tired of not seeing you. But you came around and made me smile. I am not happy about the little things anymore but I do gett butterflies when you are around. I sat at your kitchen table and watched you do your thing, it made me smile even if it was for a little while, I felt alive. Why are you the one who can make my day go up and down? Good when I see you, bad when you mention HER. She is my blood but I don't want to be reminded that she excists. I keep wishing for things between me and you but you don't see me the way I see you. If you ever will I don't know but I will keep hoping for more and more. I will not give in to the temptation, I will not be the one who surrenders....I will not.... I will....

Sister love I know I am supposed to love you and care when you are sick. Care that you are moving miles away and I will not see you everyday. I know I am supposed to say things to make you feel better and call when I hear that you are not well. I know al that but I don't do any of those things. I can not care eany more. When I needed you the most you were not around. When I did not want to talk to anyone you always wanted to know what was wrong. I can not tell you that I am ashamed to have you in my #life. I can not tell you al the things I want. I can not look you in the eyes and feel the love. I can not hugg you, kiss you, care about you the way I know I am supposed to. Why? Because you putt me through so much pain over the years that I lost count. I was there when you needed someone the most and yet you screwed me over like no one ever has done before. It hurts me to say that I have lost the ability to love you like I once did. If I will ever gett it back I don't know, but for now you are the last person I am happy to see when you come around. It's sad to say that I have lost the ability to love my own sister.

Expectation I expected you for days. I did everything nice. Hours went by. Days went by. You were not around. I did not expect to see you. I even forgott about you. There you were stand so quiet and peacefull. I did not expect to see you but you were right behind me by the car. I kept on walking because I did not have eany expectations to see you.

Delete? I could not find you on online. You have not been around. I want to see you again but my mind is telling me we should just be friends. What my heart wants is something I can not change, my mind has nothing left to say. You will always be a part of my #life but the truth is, you and me will always be miles apart.

Maybe.... I did not see you today. I did not see you yesterday. I do not know if I miss you or glad that you did not disturb my day. I will maybe see you tommorow...or maybe I will not. I miss you but I wish I did not see you. The pain is strong but I somehow like it when I miss you. Not as much as I like it when I see you, touch you, smell you......kiss you