Diary Decision So I regretfully consider myself an absent minded, forgetful, bipolar, basket case at times. So in order to keep up with arguments my husband and I may have started, I decided to track my #life as best and creatively as I could. I have explored different options in my creative endevours. One option however I am proud to admit is my first attempt at digital art. Using a notebook app, I was able to achieve the look I wanted with the help of a little lamination. Unfortunately, there are no pictures on opuss. So if you'd like to see my work, visit this site: http://heatherjack0880.tumblr.com/post/110540763211/so-ive-been-thinking-about-blogging-it-sounds

Blog? So I've been thinking about blogging? It sounds like a neat idea. I can show the world my creativity. But after looking into it, I realize in order for anyone to actually even see it, you have to sell it to those you know. Do I want that? I am bipolar and my first idea was to make a blog all about being bipolar. A sort of diary if you will. But then I thought of my in-laws. Do I really want them reading my diary? So my questions are; can you have a secret blog? If not, are the rewards of having one worth the publicity? First test is to see if anyone responds to THIS posting.

2:30 pm - Thank god my parents had the boys all morning at some Alzheimer's walk because I was not doing the greatest. At first I thought it was some type of hangover but now it seems more like I need some type of narcotic. I made a couple phone calls but just ended up drinking coffee and beer. Which was not what I wanted. However my husband came saying he talked his coworker out of some Vicoden. So I just took an eighth. We'll see how that goes. 80 pm - so the suboxin was an amazing relief to what had been going on in my head for the last while. Aaaahh narcotics. My husband had come home in a bum mood and the suboxin hadn't really helped like it did me. So I was surprised and hurt when he told me I was ignoring the children. I guiltily admit that for the past month there more times than not that I ignored them. I was and am trying to get out of a very dark place. But it sucks to know that trying the best you can to get through a day, is no way near good enough for human standards

Tweaker 11:30 am - I'm sitting on the couch now. I'm feeling kind of tweaky. I started out the day like that.. The three cups of coffee after didn't seem to help much. I was just trying to focus. At least there's no #depression. And at least I cleaned the kitchen. My husband and I are supposed to go out tonight. My therapist said it would probably be good for me. To get out. Do something social. My husband woke up in a good mood so he's down. I think it'll be fun. Who knows tho. 6:30 pm - so I spent most of the afternoon feeling weird and tweakish. The only times I didn't was when I left the house for mcdonalds and to pick up tony. I continued to feel tweaky when my husband got home. I could tell he wasn't in the best of moods but I knew I had to get out. So we dropped the kids off at the folks and went downtown. It took My husband a minute to loosen up but when he did it was great. Now we're back at home, without kids, and I feel a little peaceful.

8:30 am - it was another good start to the morning. I had to yell at the kids a few times of course. Matts about to make me an instant breakfast and then hopefully I'll make it to the grocery store for the first time in weeks. 120 pm - Matt and I ended up having sex a couple hours later. It felt good to be close to him. However all day I've been feeling a little discontent and unfocused. Haven't done any chores, I still have yet to go to the grocery store. Maybe a little booze that Matt just brought me will take away this kind of yuck feeling I have. I hope this isn't the start of any mania. We know what follows after that. 50 pm - So I ended up doing shit today. I let the kids run all over me while I fucked around on the iPad. It doesn't me I'm going down again does it?