Sometimes my palms itch and i want to begin again, but i think i forgot how to hold a pen.

And I Wish I Knew It won't matter how many times I try to mimic the things you said over and over inside my head because I can't mimic the way your face looked. Or the pauses you took between words to catch your breath and think about people passing by. I wish I knew you like you knew yourself. I wish I knew you like the books I read. I wish I knew how to make you fall back in my bed. But you're fucking cheap like all the lies I bought. And For me to think,, well for me to have thought that I was ever deserving of someone so beautifully designed. Ever so deserving to have once called you mine. Well that my love was the biggest of lies. And I wish I knew...

Shower Scene I got water in my ears today while taking a shower so then I tried to put my hands over my ears to get it out but then I kept them there cause it muffled everything. Everyone. It sounded like a plane engine about to take off. For that split second it was like I was going somewhere else. It didn't matter where just as long as it was away from the ringing sound of what I called my #life.

All I Taste Is Acid. I tried to binge and purge you but I couldn't feel you in my throat. You were stuck inside my chest cavity. Toes barely touching the pit of my stomach. Scraping tender skin that once begged for you so badly to let them in. Nails curled up, they're climbing up the back of my throat. One finger turned to three... I never really could get you out from inside me.

Last October I took you to the train station and I jumped across the tracks. You guys said I was crazy and that I was going to die. It sounded warm. The air was cold. I remember the laughter and the way the wind felt against my face as the train went by. I was so close...