Inside Part 2 Why hello, you're back? To see how far my brain is out of whack? Let's see what else goes on continuously Swirling, twirling, deep inside of me Ah yes, I'm depressed and have been since age ten I know it must be hard to imagine what was making me sad then My mom was working, stepfather deserting I felt like no one wanted me A friend saw me hurting And told me to make my wrists sting That way the pain is only on your skin As opposed to holding it all in Thus started my self-harming story Then I hit rock bottom at thirteen My #life was again pulled apart at the seams Another house, another school, another dad, who is he? Mom, can't you see how much I'm hurting? My wrists are bleeding, don't you see? Help me, I'm just a kid and I can't cope with these feelings But you're hours away, working Seems like you're always too busy to notice me I'm all grown up now, aren't you proud of me? Honor chord on my gown and heading to a university I went to a shrink like you asked Now I'm on medicine to keep the suicidal thoughts behind a new mask A lot's happened in the past year And I still struggle to figure how we got here Thousands of miles apart, another divorce breaking all our hearts I thought you said we'd be a family That I'd never have another dad leave But I'm an adult now, It's time to chart my own destiny Maybe one day raise my own family I shudder to think of myself in your position Could I push my problems aside and finally achieve remission? Thats what it would take for me to consider raising kids I'd never want to do to them what you unwittingly did Now this #poem is much too long And I think I've aired most of whats wrong With me, it seems you, reader, found this interesting Enough to be here, at the end of the story Thanks for reading, see you soon Hopefully I'll update regularly and not only on sleepless nights underneath the moon

Inside You don't know what I hide What's behind the smile I've mastermined I'm different you see More so than you're expecting And I'd love to let you peek inside me But I'm worried it'll send you running Inside my head, there's not just me Voices, two of them, specifically One is kind and has grown with me The other, not so much, he is a newer anomoly They bicker constantly About the way my #life should be Always giving advice, always whispering Sometimes it feels as though my brain is splitting Now if that wasn't weird enough for you I'm just getting started, I check out too And by "check out" I mean dissociate It's like I'm watching my body self-operate Without me, I'm obsolete I can get through the day autonomously But wait there's more Are you ready for what's yet in store? What's next is too complex To write out in this already long text So to learn more, read the next rhyme Where I reveal more things waiting for you inside

Cautiously Optimistic I know that caution is logical Given my record, I should be more careful But you like so many things I do Been through similiar struggles too It's hard to stay guarded Hard to remember being broken-hearted Hard to think you might hurt me too Although that fear is always looming Brooding, in the back of my mind I desperately hope you're not another waste of time I don't know if I could withstain another heartbreak Don't know if my heart could take It, but I guess you never know until you try I've always been told "don't be afraid to fly, the worst thing that'll happen is you'll fall." But the pain doesn't last long at all At least thats what they say But I think we could have a shot So I'll give it all I got Hopefully you feel it too Maybe it'll be different with you

You Can't Save Me Sorry I haven't been keeping up with this story. I've been super busy getting ready for move-in day in a couple weeks. Once things have calmed down I'll start getting more consistent

Late Thoughts I've recently started to get into philosophy (reading different philosophical books and researching early influencers etc.) and I'm thinking that I've gone about #life all wrong. Maybe I'd bought into the mainstream media's message that finding love is the ultimate goal in #life and that should be what we strive for, I don't know. But as of late, I've lost interest in finding love right now. I mean, I'm 18. I have plenty of time for that. What I want to do is find meaning in my #life. I want to make a positive impact in the world through volunteer work. I want to find what it is that makes it worth getting up in the morning. I've let myself be dragged and pushed around all my #life leading up to now, and really I just want to see what it's like to call my own shots. I want to know what stability is. I want to know what a normal, healthy, environment is. Maybe after I've found that, I'll regain interest in finding someone.