Chat-Up "Would you like some chewing gum?" I stare at this stranger for longer than slightly necessary. The Mojito induced room-spin coupled with those nauseating club lights make me wobble on the spot. Trying to focus (especially without my glasses; I don't feel the need for full HD on nights out) is a struggle. Pulling all my senses together I look into the pleading eyes of this boy in front of me. "Pardon?" "Would you like some chewing gum?" "Ummmmm..." My mind does a somersault, and not in a good way. In a vomit-y way. I notice the receding hair line, the drips of sweat, the far-too-eager stalker smile. "No, not really." I do my best 'not interested ' voice, like I'm out in the rain, miserable and cold, just been splashed by a car. "That's a shame. You could have had the piece in my mouth." Genuinely pleased with himself, stalker-face stared waiting for me to change my mind. My Mojito decided to re-appear as my faith in men and their intelligence elegantly side steps out the door.

Beauty I am by no stretch a feminist. I enjoy baking and cooking. I especially enjoy baking and cooking for men (just the one man really!). I like to keep the house tidy. I want to look sexy; not pretty, sexy. And no, I don’t dress for myself; I do it so my boyfriend will be proud to hold my hand. For this reason I adore the Lynx adverts, in all their misogynistic glory. Beautiful women, often wet, in not very many clothes make for great TV. The fact that the print adverts, sporting Lucy Pinder in compromising positions baking, was banned tells us a little something about our society. Women can’t live up to these expectations. But isn’t it fun to try? Why else do we go clothes shopping, buy Heat magazine, watch Rihanna videos and spend millions of pounds on makeup and beauty products. They have even started offending religious types now with their recent, cinematic interpretation of Noah’s Ark and some rather delicious fallen angels. I can’t help but look at these adverts and think how achingly clever they are. Does that make me a bad person, a terrible woman? Am I letting my ‘team’ down awfully? Well if that’s the case, I’m on the side of the men on this one. Not enough to wear ‘lynx for women’, however. I just appreciate a good bit of objectification.

Truth Truth Hidden talents are mysterious. Why do we not let them shine? Why can we not sell ourselves? Self indulgent proclamations of our ‘hidden’ talents just aren't in our nature. 'Our' being those of us who feel insufficient, inferior, lacking a little something. Me? I am one of those people who just isn’t very good at talking about how good I am. At anything. So here goes… I find lists strangely comforting: 1. I’m a good girlfriend, I am there unconditionally for him. 2. I’m a good sister. I’ll share the blame. 3. I’m a good daughter, I haven’t caused them any distress. 4. I’m an amazing teacher. There. I said it. Pat me on the back, but do it quickly because I won’t say it again in a hurry.