A Letter Of Thanks And The Other Things Dear Almost-Friend, It has just been 2 months since the last time I saw you and now I've been thinking about you more than most of the time. I'm actually both surprised and not. I was expecting you would leave my mind after residing there for a little time. You would be there, you will leave and you will be forgotten. But no, you were there, you didn't actually leave but I was trying to make myself believe you did, so you somehow left, but then you came back. You may have left or not, you came back. So I'm surprised. But because of being aware of the possibility that you could stay in my mind even though I know I shouldn't let such thing happen, I sort of, expected that to occur. Sucks for me, I'm stuck with this, whatever this is. While you, you don't even care about my existence. But I remember the time when I was able to be present in your mind. Basically because we sat beside each other at this restaurant together with our other friends. So I think I passed your mind at least once. You don't know how I felt having to be beside you at that moment. I could have burst into pieces but I was able to contain myself because of the same thought why it would happen: you were beside me. That was undeniably one of my favourite days ever. It makes me all jumpy and happy every time I reminisce. But then I remember how you would look at her. How you would smile, with that one of the most unforgettable smiles, when she says something funny or when she makes so much sense. Also when she's so beautiful-looking, which was always. I remember that and I come back to my old self. Honestly, it causes a sting in the chest. Have you ever felt that before? Ofcourse you have, and I guess you'll feel it many times again ahead, because you are leaving, for good. It would sting having to leave people you love, behind. I quite knew how close you are to your loved ones and how close they are to you. I may have had just a glimpse of how important you are to them, but I have a 360-degree angle view of how important you have been to me. Maybe not yet entirely to 'me', because we're not there yet and we will never be there at all. I have no complaints though. I thank God for every second He gave me the chance to be near you and especially on being able to meet you. You have been an inspiration I was quite proud to share, so I thank you for existing. I just hope for this last time, I would be able to see you. I may not be able to tell you that you've caused me good things, but I would want to be there for the last moment. Just for a last glance, this last chance. Sincerely, The girl you barely talked to.

Last Words I was awakened by a streak of sunlight peeking through the bundles of mango leaves sticking to random branches and twigs that cover me. Then I found myself lying beside Nic, my best friend since who knows when. Our hands intertwined, like what we’re used to do when we sleep beside each other, or just even whenever we’re together, which is most of the time that is. I grew up with him. Lived by the same street from the day we were born. My house is just in front of his, and our mothers are also the best of friends since high school. Probably that’s why he’s the one I was always with since the day I got aware of the world. I’m not dreaming. I’m watching him sleep and his chest that goes up and down when he inhales and exhales. We’re under a mango tree- our favorite place. We spend a lot of time here, talking and sharing about everything, from the happiest to the most doleful things. I sat down, not letting go of Nic’s hand, and I watch the breathtaking view of the sky and the sun that’s rising. We spend the night here whenever we feel like it. And so last night, he called me to meet him.. He said he’s going to tell me something. Something important I thought, or maybe even beyond.. All these years, he has never told me that he’s going to tell me something. When he wants to talk to me, he does it directly, not giving me a warning like what he did. I became nervous. So I rushed down here and I saw him sitting, his knees folded up to his face and his arms are stretched backwards, supporting his position. My panting caused him to notice me and he was wearing a meaningful smile I can’t define. I sat down with him. He looked at me intently and I gave back a questioning gaze. “Gillian, I’m dying” Long silence broke in. Then tears fell from my eyes. He hugged me and I impulsively hugged him back. I have never thought that this would come and surprise my almost-perfect #life. Living with the sweetest family and friends, and having someone, you thought, will always be there beside you. I tried to gain back my voice and took a deep breath.. “Seventeen years with you, Nic! How am I supposed to live without you? You were always there for me. Even in the times that I don’t need you, you were always there!” He pulled away and cupped my face. Then I looked at him. How can I not notice that he’s getting weak? That he’s dying? “Just be strong, o-okay? Be strong for me” With that, he cried. “Now, who’s going to make me feel better when I’m sad? Who’s going to knock every 7am in my room just to annoy me? Who’s going to call me late at night and sleep beside me under a mango tree? Who’s going to hold my hand whenever he knows I want someone to hold on to?” “Go to sleep, Gillian. Close your eyes. I’m going to watch you. I’m………not going to leave you. Go to sleep” In my mind, he will, I know. But then I went to sleep, wishing that I’ll wake up from this nightmare. And now all the memories of last night, makes my vision blur again. I’m still thinking of the #life without him. All the times and memories we’ve shared. Tears started to fall from my eyes again. Then I felt he held my hand tighter. He’s awake. I looked back at him. Then I cuddled beside him, still not letting go of his hand. I placed my head on top of his stomach. “Thank you. F-for everything” barely making a sound, he whispered. His voice getting groggy and low, I can feel the weakness he’s into. “Don’t leave me” I said in between sobs, looking at him. “I’m gonna be watching you. I’m gonna miss you. Be strong okay?” “I will. I will” I whispered back. I love him. I don’t know when I realized that but I do. I love him more than a best friend. I never had the chance to tell him that, because I’m scared. I’m afraid of what he’ll say after knowing that his best friend is in love with him. So I never took the risk. But what if I did? “Gillian? Any last words?” He’s dying, I thought. So at least I should tell him how I really feel before it’s too late. I looked at him, a bit nervous but I know I have to do this. “I…. I love you, Nic. I’m in love with you. I never had the courage to tell you that because I thought you’d ignore me. But now, I took the risk.” He inhaled and said, “All these years. I can’t believe you would tell me that, after all these years.” His voice began to slow down so I placed my ear close to his mouth “Because I love you too, Gillian.” He’s wearing that meaningful smile again, I can now define. He loves me too. Then it hit me, It is too late. He closed his eyes, and finally let go of my hand.