Masks "You are beautiful!" They said. "But can't you see my flaws?" I ask. "Can't you see these lines that form? Where do you think these bruises come from?" "But you are so happy!" They skeptically wondered allowed. "But can't you see the tears behind my eyes?" I asked in earnest. "Can't you see my sadness when people look away?" "But, but you are inspirational!" They confirmed with slight anxiety behind their lips. "Am I?" I pushed. "Are you oblivious to the small lines paved across my helpless body. Have you not seen my past? The drugs and the cigarettes and the booze. The men and the violation?" I hoped they could feel the bitterness in my words. "Ok." They paused. "Who are you then? Apart from someone who is achieving and personable and beautiful and loving and empathetic and inspiring and selfless. Tell us, who are you?" Gasp and inhale. Blatantly I purged my words, saying. "I am the truth. I am the truth that in pain and in suffering you can make it. You will fuck it up and you will fuck up things around you but you can make it. See this facade? See this lie? It kept me going, because as you are all doing right now, if I was to show you my truth, you wouldn't believe me because everyone believes lies when they are hidden for so long. People are afraid to accept that we are hungry for pain. We yearn for significance. And that comes through in attracting the sympathy of others. We are all a lie. I am no more a lie that the rest. I am not going to tell you who I am because I do not know who I am. If I knew that I would be far superior than all of you here. I would be the most powerful person on earth if I understood myself. So who am I? I am who you want me to be. I will be everything you have said today or I will be the sad girl struggling in silence with dents on her skin that maybe just maybe you will take the effort to see. And touch. And kiss. And maybe admire. And accept. Yeah you better fucking accept." The didn't say anything. They didn't understand.

Shattered Can you not feel the birds Crying for mercy. Can you not hear the birds Wingless in flight. Can you not hear the screams of my soul As you're hands are placed in mine. Hear the tremble, see the tears that do not shed. Watch me scream out in pain In this silent state. In this silent state My heart shattered In this silent state Hearts are shattering In this silent state The birds of silence and the birds of the poor the birds of your conscience are screaming out for more. But you're heart is shattering when it touches next to mine. It hears this silent thunder. My heavy wings are naked Fragile in you're grasp. Please let me gently scream, silently, I gasp. In this silent state. In this state. In this. In.

Murder Most Foul The hotel walls are shaking. The bathroom walls are wet. Inside the mind is crippling Let's turn around and not forget. That the girl lying in your bed is getting colder as we wait And the sheets are getting warmer with her beautiful sea of painted colours flowing her from her creativity. Her canvas that paints blood around her veins and at her chest. Her cavity of heart filled spaces has a hole where you pushed that knife deep up to the crest. Don't cry now baby dear don't leave your tear drops on those crumpled sheets Don't leave your memories or your forgiveness or your sorry' or your woes. So leave this body and her blood, because there is nothing you can do about it now.

Enemy And you told me to push pins into my heart. Sometimes I weep for unbroken hearts. Do you dream? Do you fly? Please don't try to let go. Victim. Victimised. Malnourished emotions. Plethora. This is a song with a scribbled out name So lets do it again and again. Sometimes I forget the pins are there and that's when they push in further. Don't let me runaway, or I'll forget how to trip. Victim. These pins. Leaving me with empty holes. Victimised.

Feel the Music I remember the old lady. She told me to sing. So I let out my heart and spread my wings. She said she can feel the poison Through my bones she said And out my mouth. My skin, my eyes, my nose. Hear me. These songs I sing. This old lady, how did you know? That to heal my heart and to heal my soul, I let it out. Vocal. Sing it loudly, sing it high, scream it with all your #life. Feel that poison drifting away. Old lady, you guided my way.