Peter Cruddas Connections Sketch So, here's a sketch that didn't make the cut for this week's Newsjack. Enjoy! --------- GRAMS: SEXY MUSIC VOICEOVER: Are you lonely? Lacking influence? Failing to penetrate that inner circle? Come and see us here at Peter Cruddas Connections. We've sold the Health Service, we've sold the roads, now we're pimping out our government ministers. Do you like an older man? Vince is waiting for your call... VINCE CABLE: I'm the sexy secretary who knows how to do the business. HOT MAMA: Yeah baby! Hook me up to that Cable! VOICEOVER: What?! That's too vanilla for you? How about some red hot role-play and humiliation with Peter Cruddas himself? PETER CRUDDAS: I am a person of considerable influence within the Conservative party and I can give you access to all the top players. HOT MAMA: Mmmmmm... That's so wrong but it feels so wrong! VOICEOVER: Not hardcore enough? Need More? How far do you want to go? All the way? You're filthy! But that's OK, we're even more dirty than you are! Meet David, he's Premier League! DAVID CAMERON: How hot am I? I'm a perfect 10, baby! It says so on my front door! I'll ride your policy through the committee for 250 grand! HOT MAMA: Oooh yeah, I'd lobby that! I'd lobby that hard! VOICEOVER: So, what are you waiting for? Make a donation to Peter Cruddas Connections now, because if you've got the money, we've got the honeys.