New Teacher Is a dove a doo Dad Is a doo a dove Is a cow a coo Dad A sparrow jist a spyug And is a wall a waw Dad Is a dog a dug She's gonny warm ma ear Dad Instead o' skelp ma lug. Ma teacher's awfy posh Dad She changes aw oor names Wee Shugie now is Hugh Dad And Jimmy's ayeways James I'm scunnered wi' it aw Dad The way she shoogles words A must be glaickit no' tae ken That feathered friends are burds. Ye lernt me all wrong Dad Ye called a ball a baw Yur wife is now my Mother You said it wis ma Maw Ah'm no share hoo tae spell Dad Ah'll niver pass ma test Whit is this ah'm wearin' Dad A simmet or a vest. Ah gave ma nose a dicht Dad When it began tae dreep She gave me sich a fricht Dad A nearly fell aff ma seat Haven't you a handkerchief She roared as if in pain No, a jist use ma sleeve, Miss And wiped ma nose again. Ah cawd a mouse a moose Dad Ah shid hiv held ma tongue That's manure on yir bits Dad Nae longer is it dung It's turnips and potatoes No tatties noo and neeps She said I'd ripped ma trousers When I'd only torn ma breeks. There's twa words fir awthin' Dad They're jumbled in ma heed Hoo kin a be well bred Dad When ah keep sayin' breed Now is a crow a craw Dad Is a bull a bul Ah'll try to git it richt Dad I will, I will, ah wull.