Nearly 8 Years... It's been nearly 8 years since you left me. You are meant to be here still with me, to rescue me in my crises, to make my eyes smile again and to give me my Superhero cuddle. You never did get to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, you never held my hand when I miscarried so early to a little girl, you are not here now when I probably need you the most, more than ever. How ironic your passing was. After years of me being unwell, in and out of hospitals, the bleak stamp on me presumed no hope, ever, I am well now of course. Extremely in fact but you never saw that transition did you? Through all the years where you tried to convince me suicide was not an option, held my hand, wiped my tears, held my distress for me when I needed a rest, what did you do? You slipped into a #depression again where this time no one, not even me, could rescue you out of, or convince you to keep holding on. I saw you 5 days before you died, I hadn't seen you in a while and I remember thinking how great it was we were not only in daily phone contact, but we would be having visits and days out together again. You even told me I would see you again very, very soon. Hmmm maybe you could tell I was feeling suspicious? I even said to my mother I believed you wanted to see me one more time before you killed yourself!! Of course she thought I was being absurd, of course she would think that! When you decided to go missing, and the cops couldn't track you down bar the town you were hotelling at, when you decided around 1am was the best time to leave the hotel, to the very nearby woods, use a car tow rope and hang yourself from a tree after calling your then estranged wife, did you even think about me, how I would cope, your daughter??? I try to be angry but as you are you, my daddy, I find I can't. I want to ask if I meant so little to you after all? I know we had our issues but we had talked and resolved and understood these together remember? So, if you were truthful then, why couldn't you stay and fight, for me? I so wish you could know your daughter well. Never mind married, a step mom, nearly qualified as a psychotherapist (maybe I'm hoping to try to save more dads like you from leaving their daughters behind?) and beaten her agoraphobia. I have gone through so many tough situations since being married, with his ex, his kids - you would be so proud Dad. Considering I haven't been well for that long as well, it makes it even more amazing. I miss you Dad. I need you, want you, love you so much. The grief I feel has not lessened that much over time. I was told it would, like with other relatives I have grieved for. They lied. Maybe because it's suicide. I hear it's the most severe bereavement to go through. They were right. I met your Dad, my grandad at your funeral. I am glad we got to know each other, I don't remember when I was a toddler, although he remembered me back then!! He passed now too It hurt, that death too i had only just got to know him for a few years then lung cancer took him. I hope he is with you now, that you have made up, as he was at my wedding so he can tell you all. As a 33 year ild you would think i could let go now, let my Daddy go, but i cant i hurt way too much its still too painfully raw and i really do need you now, right at this moment i cant ask anyone else to help me, to help rescue me you would you would be mad at whats happenned to me but i wont tell anyone else When your Dad is your Superhero and he isnt here with you anymore, what are you supposed to do? die