Thought For The Day Getting old's not so bad when you think of the alternative...

One Of The Lucky Ones 26 hours without any power, enough to drive a man to drink. Nothing to do, no hot turkey to chew But plenty of time to think. Christmas dinner? Cheese and crackers, and a couple of slices of bread and jam. May not sound like a feast but it's food at least.... Makes me realise how lucky I am...

Rude-olph #sundayrepost This repost was part of a weekly Opuss challenge - A Day in the #life... set by @eddie12309 12 months ago. Warning! Not recommended for the under 18s or those easily offended by bad language or sexual reference! A Day in the #life of.... Rudolph. Yep, that's me. Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer - the most famous reindeer in the world. And do you know why I've got a red nose? Because I've had a fucking cold for the last 74 fucking years, that's why! Stuck in a field up here in Greenland for 11 months of the year, wallowing in my own shit and freezing my bollocks off, not to mention being bored to fuck! No, no, actually that's not entirely true. For the last 10 years it's been because of the booze - ever since I nicked that bottle of Jack Daniel's that was meant for Glen. Ha ha, cockney wanker! Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. What's the title of this? A Day in the #life.. Well, which fucking day would you like? 8th June? Boring! 19th August? Boring! In fact 364 days of the year - EVERY year - fucking boring! The only day I actually do anything is Christmas Eve, when that prat Santa Claus comes and asks, " Rudolph with your nose so bright will you pull my sleigh tonight? " Well, this year I'm gonna tell him! " No! Fuck off you fat prick! I've had enough! " I'm gonna grab a bottle of JD, find Vixen (or Dancer, I don't give a toss really) and shag the ass off her - I've always fancied the bitch. Mmm... maybe a threesome? Anyway, Merry Christmas and peace to all mankind. (now where did I put that box of rubbers?...)

Spaced Out Oi, Patrick! What's this I hear about you flying to the Sun? Yeah, I built myself a rocket with that lottery cash I won. But it's a giant fireball! You won't survive the flight! Ha ha! I'm not THAT thick you silly prick.. I'm gonna go at night!

Get Stuffed ##limerickery I said to my wife, "Where's the stuffing?" She said, " I forgot - we got nothing " " Well, you better find some Or that tree's up your bum! Believe me, you know I'm not bluffing!" Inspired by the Christmas some years ago when my missus forgot to buy any stuffing. It's the first thing on her list now! It's my favourite meal of the year, Roast potatoes, stuffed turkey and beer, You deserve a big kiss For this platefull of bliss Take a bow - you deserve it my dear.