End Of The Tunnel Four in the morning is becoming a familiar sight to me. These last few days I have royally screwed up my sleeping pattern in aid of my degree. Collating everything together into fresh new books and seeing all the work I have been doing for over a year and a bit come together. It's very satisfying being able to put it all together into some good looking books and posters, and I am excited for people to see it. It is a strange feeling though as I am not as stressed as I feel I should be. Other deadlines have been a mad rush to the finish but I am unusually calm and in control for this one. Which is strange as it is the big one. The main event, the last hand in I will experience at university, hopefully. However the fact remains that I am settled and confident. But then I second guess it. Why I am I so calm and confident? Have I missed something? Will I have missed a massive mistake that will cause all I have worked for to crumble and fail? What if I am disappointed with the result? Can I honestly say that I gave it my all? Does the end grade really matter? Is that what I want, authentication from the academic establishment that my work holds value in the real world? Does my future actually rest and depend on what happens now at university? All these doubts still run through my head and betray my calm exterior. In reality I don't think this is it. My final grade or the final verdict on the work I submit to be judged is only as big a deal as I let it be. If I am disappointed with what I get then it is a product of my responsibility. I could wallow in self pity and go no where, or I could learn from the result and push harder to get what I want from my future. The same is of the opposite. If I get a good result then I will gain the admiration of my peers and the academics that inhabit the world but it doesn't mean that I will achieve my personal goals any easier. That will still be up to me. It may open doors but I will have to be the one that opens them and even if my grades are lower than my expectations the same doors will still be there, I will just have to knock a little louder. The future is approaching faster by the hour and I have to embrace that and steer it to where I want to be, and do what I want to do. The time for talking is almost over, the time of doing grows ever nearer.