True Loneliness 21 Matthew I stayed awake and cuddled her when she became agitated and caressed her when she whimpered. I watched her face and felt so much love for her. She was my little baby, so cute and so small in my arms. The love for her overwhelmed me again and I couldn't think of anyone with her besides me but I can't force this she has to make the next step. I looked at the time and saw it was 6am, she had to get to work for 8:30...I think now is a good time to wake her up so she can get ready. I was about to reach down and kiss her when she uttered 'Jerome' and an intense feeling of #depression and regret seemed to exude from her. I could feel my fangs growing, my throat parched. I was in predator mode, my nails had begun to grow they pierced her and she arched away from my hand and smiled as she said what sounded like my name. I froze, everything within me stopped, my mind was blank. My fangs and nails receded, the painful dryness in my throat dulled. She reached out and put her arms around my neck pulling me close. I wanted no more than to keep her like this but this wasn't the first time I almost lost control watching her sleep. I shook her, "Jaz, it's time to get up" I said softly into her ear. She stirred, she woke up at first shocked. She looked at her surroundings then me. "Did I sleep in your arms the whole time??" She asked, something in her voice had me uneasy "Yeah?" I tried to smile it off. She wiggled out of my arms and stood up. "Sorry" she mumbled and walked away from me. 'Should I get up and follow? Should I give her space?' I stood in the corridor, I could hear she was in the shower. I remained still and allowed my senses to heighten, I could hear her muffled cries. I could smell the fruity soap but it didn't stop me from sensing her loneliness. I cleared my throat as I walked into the kitchen. *** We ate in silence, actually she ate in silence. I just sipped on a glass of water. I wanted so bad to break the silence but I knew she had to be the one who took the next step. She squirmed in her seat, she looked almost childlike. She had tied her hair up into the bun she usually reserved for when she was chilling at home, which meant she must have been agonising over something as she got ready. She was wearing a black shirt and black figure-hugging-high-waisted skirt. She wasn't wearing her wedding ring but then I noticed a chain that she had on her neck. "I need to call the boys before school" she said as she stood up and put her dishes in the sink. I decided I might aswell wash up, she walked into the other room. She picked up the phone and dialed a number. She walked back into the kitchen, I could feel her watching me as she waited for her phone call to be picked up on the other side. Her gaze broke when someone answered the phone. "Hey mummy, can I speak to my babies before they go to school?...Yeah I'm sure you are well...I'm okay mum, don't worry about me please just let me speak to my boys...thank you...Awwww Jah! Sha! How are you babies?...aww I miss you boys too...I will see you on Friday...no this won't be forever...Sha, don't hurt your brother!...I know you want to speak to me on your own but you have to share..Do you love me boys?...good love you too. I will call you tonight to find out how school was okay?...Okay?...good, love you, take care of granny...bye..." She finished off her phone call then stood next to me. "Is it bad that I don't feel guilt about what happened?" She asked her brown eyes looked up at me. "What happened?"I asked inquisitively "We kissed, touched. You aren't my husband" she said looking away from me. "I know I'm not" I spoke softly. Her caramel skin called out to me. I wanted to caress it. "Jaz, I'm here for you. Whatever you want from me, I'm here to give." "Could you...hold me?" She asked hesitantly "Of course I can" I smiled at her. I held her close, I held her gently, she wrapped her arms around me pulling me into her. "You want something else?" I chuckled. She looked up at me seriously, then she laughed. "Let's go you clown" she walked away, her hips swaying. Her bum was round and stood out way too much in that skirt, I wanted to rip it off. But i held back "Hey Jaz, don't you think that skirts a bit too much?" I ran after her as she grabbed her stuff and headed out of the door.