The Pond Creature I stepped into my garden; I was going to mow the lawn But there was something very odd To which my eyes were drawn. In the corner, in the pond I saw the water stir And I would have run away and hid If I knew what would occur. I stared into the water All murky, cold and green And I tried to spot the thing I saw Though it just could not be seen. When suddenly a head sprang forth In a terrifying leap, Teeth grabbed me by my skinny waist And dragged me to the deep. I could not breathe; I thought I’d drown; It’s mouth shut tight And swallowed me down. I was gulped inside an enormous belly All soft and squidgy, very smelly. I was there five minutes in this place so rotten I was then shot out of the pond creatures bottom. The creature complained in a voice so low I nearly let my bladder go: “I don’t think my big monster inners Are suited to eating humans for dinners.” I brushed myself down and gasped for fresh air I found myself in the pond creatures lair. It was suitably furnished with leaves and old logs The floor was covered with the bones of dead frogs. My head was filled with thoughts of escape Ways to get out of this terrible scrape. But the pond creature was stood just a little behind And I had no clue of the plans on its mind. Was it going to let me go? Could it run fast or was it quite slow? Oh, how would I get out of this terrible mess? The place of exit was anyone’s guess. It said, “A diet of frogs isn’t really for me; I fancied something different for afternoon tea. But I should have known you are far too big I shouldn't have been such a greedy, fat pig You need to formed into much smaller bites If I chomp you to pieces you’ll be about right.” Well there I was – about to die. I curled myself up I and started to cry. “Don’t be sad” the pond creature said. “There’s plenty worse things than being stone dead. And think of all the good you've done Now I have dinner, and before I had none”. I pleaded with it – please creature, please spare my #life. Think of my two children – think of my wife. They’ll be far more delicious and succulent than me. They’ll be home shortly – have them for your tea! And to my surprise the creature agreed. It said “why settle for one when I can have three”. When they arrived it bit off their heads; It tore their fragile bodies to shreds. It ate them up, a small piece at a time And I cowardly hid and observed this foul crime. Then the creature decided it was time for sleep Very soon it was dreaming deep. And I decided that rather than sit down and cry I’d make this creature DIE, DIE, DIE! I fetched the chainsaw from the back of my shed And in a shower of blood - the creature was dead! The police came along and they wrote a report. The case was discussed in the local law court. And as a way to ease my emotional pains They let me keep the creatures remains. So although this tale has been incredibly gory There’s a happy end for me in this story. People think I’m a hero and I’m alive and I’m healthy And the creature’s remains made me amazingly wealthy. My creature was on the TV news; Thousands came from miles around. They viewed the creature in my garden; Admission: a hundred Pounds!