Squealing Meat Monday, 29/10/12 An entire week has passed since my last entry, but, I'm reporting from an iPad (leant to me by W as opposed to my fiddly iPhone) in an effort to make this entry more palatable. Although it has been a week, if feels like much more. If you have been following, last Monday was my 'big' interview to which I went into great detail. After many difficult conversations with my family and partner (W) during the week we had set up a loose plan had I received good news. Although this prospect would've embraced a lot of struggle, I felt vindicated that it would have been for a good cause after seeing a direction take shape. Unfortunately I received an e-mail this morning confirming my fears and it's hard not to feel like I'm back at square one. In some ways this is the outcome I ideally wanted. When I wrote my previous entry I had been so overwhelmed by the strain and change that comes with an opportunity like this that I had no time to focus on the positives, all the while completely enamoured by the whole thing. It almost feels cruel that I allowed myself to think I was capable of entering a world where these sorts of opportunities would come to people like me. As you can tell it's easy for me to fall into a pit of despair. But I'm trying very hard not to cry and be melodramatic. Things happen, things get better. I must stop taking things personally and soldier on if I ever want to find what I'm looking for. At least with this 'lesson' I have come closer to understanding what I'd like to do. Which means I am still ahead of where I was so all is not lost. As for my personal #life, I mentioned that W moved closer to his work in order to cut his tedious commute from my home town and he's been here just over a week. We're not seeing each other next weekend so it made sense to visit this weekend (and that it follows payday and we were poor the last time we saw each other.) I am getting used to being this side of London though I feel a sense of home sickness wherever I am at the moment because I miss my family, my cats and my things when I'm here, but when I'm there I miss him. As for friends, it's a bit of a mixed bag. V just got some fantastic news about a job she went for and started last monday and I'm so happy for her as it's in some ways it's her dream job. On the other side of things, J received some very bad news while on her 'once-in-a-#lifetime' travelling holiday in NZ/AUS and is struggling a bit and it's difficult to support her from so far away. I did manage to reassure one friendship this week but we'll have to see how that goes. And another is in America but might be just out of Hurricane Sandy's path. We'll have to see. As for me, I feel a little glum but not too much. I feel like I need to get out and think so I will meet W from work but stop by Starbucks on the way.