Heartache Is it not the most exquisite pain?
It's Over? Take the ring. Designed for me, it will fit no other.... the crisp clean notes will not buy your salvation. The band you left behind betrays your intention. So easy to spew your vitriol...so tasty to eat it back up again, that bitter bile babbling away, the acid ruining your pretty linen shirt as the decay consumes our roots... Such saplings. We only needed time. And that can be bought.... With humility. Consistency. Commitment. But those pockets are empty.
Dearest Louis Do you like my hugs at all anymore? We used to cuddle and tickle and horse-around....you would help me cook and we would snuggle at the tv together... Are you angry? Is it something I did? You are angry with the world in general, that much is true I know....the hate that spews from your mouth to and about those that love you is palpable....and yet you don't have an answer as to why you feel the way you do... Your young mind just reflects the chaos around you. And it is chaos. I am not here to be judged by you....your pain is real, there is no question about it, but you are young, naive, and fickle....and blind. If someone is filling your head with the bullshit you appear to believe or "know" about me, then I am grateful. And nonplussed. Because in time you will learn to think for yourself....and you are so very intelligent already... Everyone in your family loves you, loves to look after you....even your brother for whom you have the most vocal disdain, was sitting on the floor with you last weekend while you played with q-tips on our bedroom floor because you were SO bored with your #life, even by the excellent movie.... The very same brother Countless
Now. Riddles of #life never cease. The path I find myself on was beneath my feet long before the conscious recognition. Whilst the journey is shared, deeply and reverently, we may only evolve within the cracks, where the lesson of our mistakes are welcomed. Is it possible you would welcome them? Is it possible you would admit the unknown and the frightened feelings, and realise we are not enemies but in fact, comrades? Is it possible the holes torn into our path are created through deep self-fulfilling fear? My hand is there for you. If you would see it. Whether I pass or fail I shall only be brave enough to take each step if I let go; to accept that I may well find myself alone in the end. I embrace my fear of failure and commit myself to a #life of which I finally feel worthy. To be alone is not what I want. To be alone however, would not stop me from forgiving....either of us.... But I would trust myself much slower than before.... I look my deepest need in the eye and trust the strength that has grown within me and through it, I weather the storm. I persevere, unchanged. I wait... Perhaps today you will open to me.... Like a tender gardener waiting for the signs of #life,,, I will not break. But if you truly wanted me gone, would you have courage to recognise it out loud?
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