She's The Lucky One She's the lucky one. The one who makes your heart shake And your stomach roar like the ocean. You see her in your dreams, You smell her in the air like rose petals. Her beauty swims in your pupils, You're captivated by her. And as I drown in my feelings for you, I watch you from the surface, As you gaze at her. Looking at her as if she was the sun And you've lived your entire #life in darkness. I watch you fall in love, You let me drown. I only wish I had the same affect, I only wish I was the apple of your eye. Her beauty, her grace, her stronghold on your heart, You look at her like she's a work of art. And as I sink I think to myself, That why couldn't I have you? Being dragged down by unrequited love, I see her with you from above. She touches you, Without even touching your body. My heart caves in- Into the void you left when you said you did not love me. She's the lucky one.

The Voices "Look at those stretch marks All along your side, Your arms and your thighs" "Look at your face, See those scars?" "Your thighs are too big" "Look at your stomach, Look at how fat you are" "No one cares about what you think" "Shut up" "Ugly" "Worthless" "You're an idiot" "He doesn't love you because you don't look like her" "Or her" "Or her, too" "Attention whore" "Needy" "Seriously, what is wrong with you? Oh yea, everything" "Your voice is too high" "Untalented" "Annoying" "Don't you understand that no one likes you?" "No one wants you around" "If you went missing, no one would care" "Your pores are dirty" "Your nose is uneven" "Fatty" "You're not a writer, you're a sad teen" "You're not good enough" "Just give up" "They left because you aren't good enough" "Screw up" "They're all tired of you" "Everyone hates you" "...and so do you" The voices tell me these things every chance they get. I'm at war with my mind and my thoughts want to kill me. The voices scream at me and remind me I'm worthless, And they laugh at me when I look in the mirror. I am in an abusive relationship with the voices inside, they're destroying me. But I keep them around because they're the only ones who talk to me. The only ones who stay. But holy frick do I want them to leave. The voices in my head are trying to kill me...

Back To You How is it that you have been able to infect my heart like a cancer, killing me from within, yet you fill my heart with hope and love like a cup running over with water. When you become addicted to drugs, you can never get enough. You always want more. You are my addiction and you fuel and provide my fix when you laugh at my jokes or look at me with those brown eyes that tell me how special I am, and I always come back for more. I try to forget you but my heart is bound in handcuffs and held captive by your smile. But you look at me in a way that pierces through my very being and whispers into my soul, "I love you, just not the way you want me to yet". "Yet", I always come back for "yet". I feel like a child whose ran away from home and later comes to their senses and ends up right back at home's door. You are what coming home feels like, and I always end up back at you. But I don't want to go home, I can't stay in love with you anymore.

To Be Loved By You. I consider myself very lucky If I catch you looking at me. There's something in your eyes That makes me want to sing When you look at me that way. To be smiled at by you is Something more lovely than the Ocean at sunset or the silence of dawn gently kissing the Morning sunrise. You do things To me that make my heart And stomach wrestle inside of me. I can't tell who's winning, I think it's My heart. I can feel it trying to Pry open my throught in word vomit All over my sleeve for you. I'm not ready to give you every Piece of me, so I seek refuge in Little notebooks, Pens, And late nights. You are the kind of beautiful that Inspires great writers. The kind of beautiful not contained within museum walls or orchestra halls. You are the kind of beautiful that cannot be seen in a reflection, but When you listen close enough to Hear your heart hum a tune Only I can dance to. Something that No symphony can compare to. You are The kind of beautiful that fills Libraries. Oh, to be loved by you.

The past 12 months have taught me many things. I've learned that in #life, nothing is set in stone. Change is the only thing in #life that is constant. In one year I've learned more about lies & how painful they sting, heartaches & disappointments, losing people & friends, & even death, more so than I have in my entire existence. #life is a valuable thing, so spend your time wisely & appreciate the people in your #life while you have the chance. Death approaches like a their in the night, unannounced, snatches you away when you are unprepared. Expect the unexpected. I've learned a lot about friendship & what being a good friend is when I was lied to and forgotten. From that I learned just how lies can truly hurt someone. It's a terrible feeling knowing you weren't worth knowing the truth, or sticking around for. Don't ever lie. Don't cradle someone with something that isn't true. Being there for someone is one of the nicest things you can do for a person. You become a home away from home, or in some cases, you ARE home. I learned that "sticks & stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" is a bunch of bull crap. In Biology I was taught that broken bones grow back stronger than they were before, cuts & bruises heal, physical pain fades away. What few people come to realize is that words are the strongest and most lethal weapons we as humans have ever constructed. Words can do permanent damage. Insults stay burned in the back of your mind forever, lurking in the dustier corners, just waiting for their chance to attack. The remain & attack your thoughts until you are completely engulfed by your own insecurities caused by the lies of others. People get into your mind, so you try to blow them out with a gun. People get under your skin, so you slit your wrists to get them out. What you say could be what pulls the trigger, or can save a #life. The things you say could be the unloading of the gun, the tossing away of the blade, the thing that puts the pills away. Let your words be a reflection of your heart and soul. Let your speech be the soundtrack to your soul. And if who you are on the inside is the reason for someone to harm themselves, then SHUT UP. I've come to realize that no one knows your broken soul at 4a.m. the way God does; when your tears run down your cheek into your pillow & you pray God has mercy on you & you don't wake up the next morning. We fail to realize that we are nothing short of lovely. Love yourself because you are marvelous and perfect as you are, scars & all. I finally understood what true love was all about when my love was not returned. I now saw how tragically beautiful love is when someone refuses to love again because of a broken heart. Blaming everyone else and punishing all those around them for the heart torn to shreds by the monster they once adored. I now knew that you can never really love the same, it's different every time. Sometimes more frightening things come from attempting to allow yourself to put your trust into someone new. Everyone affects your soul in different ways. They say that love is the most powerful thing in the world. It comes unannounced and leaves without a goodbye, or never appearing at all. You can love someone endlessly, with all you have, and not have them love you back. Yet it is still love. I firmly believe that you can love someone in a way that is different from the way you love everyone else, and not be in love with them. I believe you can fall in love with anyone if you see them like no one else has seen them before; after knowing who they are at 3am when they confess all their fears & tears flow from their eyes. You can fall in love with anyone if you see them broken. Maybe this is why we as humans tend to believe that love can heal all things. I've discovered that love in #life is all about your journey to prove to one person, that they are worth waiting for. But it isn't always about "soul mates", sometimes it means the love of a friend, or love that lives on beyond the grave. Love lives on even when you've been left behind by someone kissed by death. Basically, #life is precious. Death is inevitable. Love knows no boundaries, even after death. The sun will not seize its rising & setting because someone broke your heart. Time heals all wounds & you get over things. Keep your heart open to people because you never know who needs saving. Words can change or take a #life. change is constant, course of changes that have occurred in #life.