Decisions. I want it all, but I can't get it all... I think back to those late nights I'd drive past our work, and for some reason your car would still be there. If I was lucky, mine was there too...I'd always daydream about what could (what I wanted, really...) happen between us. But I was afraid. Shy, quiet....and extremely nervous....I always wondered if maybe you felt the same for me. Maybe you were too afraid to do anything about it because of how untraditional any relationship between us would be. We'd talk...and our conversations were anything but normal. Totally not subjects that would be appropriate with a coworker of the opposite sex. Let alone one that was 17 years younger than you. But we still had fun, and I was comfortable around you. Your bright green eyes and smile made me the happiest girl alive, especially if I was your reason for smiling. I never had feelings for anyone like you. Nor have I ever had feelings like you've given me. To anyone else, I'm one if the most confident people you could meet. I can get anyone and anything I wanted. I was strong, and I knew how to play my cards right. But in front of you...I was a mess. Scrambling for the right words to simply reply to your casual "hey" in response to my presence, I looked like a 4 year old who just saw a strange shadow in the night. But you never noticed that. As you casually smoked your cigarette, you'd carry on a conversation as I watched you work the day away. I liked what we had, but I wanted more. I wanted to be yours. For how old you were I always was curious as to why you were still single, and didn't have a family or even any children. I regret not taking a chance while I had one. I regret not saying goodbye. I regret not even being able to look your way as we walked onto our separate paths in #life. But I am glad to have met you.....and because of you, I know I'm able to fall in love.

Regretful? I don't even know what to do....did I make the right choice? I knew you were leaving. Forever, even. But all I did was watch you from afar as I held back the tears in my eyes. I'm kicking myself, I should have said something. Anything. What would it have hurt? You were leaving anyway. Am I that afraid of rejection that I'm missing opportunities that will potentially change my #life? Nobody has ever gotten anywhere playing it safe. Smoking a cigarette, without a care in the world, you were on your way to the rest of your #life. I can't help but to wonder if I could have been a part of that... I mean, sure. It wouldn't have been the most traditional relationship. It would have caused a stir....but I really looked forward to seeing your smile everyday. I looked forward to making small talk just to pass the time as we procrastinated doing what really had to get done. Anyway. You're gone now....and I'm afraid to just press that one button that could potentially bring you back into the rest of my #life...but maybe by some off chance of fate we'll run into each other again. You know. If within fate, it was meant to be. I'm not sure why after months I still think about you. But maybe one day I'll decide to go after you. Hopefully that one day isn't too late.

Childish Sugar, spice, and everything nice These are the things I need in my everyday #life What helps me through the endless strife What keeps me sane all through the nights

Chance Out of sight And into the night Come on, love Let's make this right Looking back at me You'll never see The pain inside Something that could never be One, two, three, and four Fate is knocking at the door Trembling hands Taking more All I wanted was a simple #life So take this knife Don't look back And end this strife

Wander. Like the perfect match made straight outta hell I think I'm in love but I'll never tell Far away memories of a time once passed Forgotten with the happiness It wasn't meant to last Corruption, laughter, and a little cyanide A bittersweet coincidence The chemistry you mustn't deny So why, you say, have you chosen me? Of all the muses, I'm your deity? I'll follow as you lead the way, Helpless and falling Just promise we'll be okay Just show me yours, and I'll show you mine We'll make sparks fly, purposely lose track of time.... (I'm too tired to write a better ending. I'll update later~ I just needed to get this out...)