you used to.. you used to call me late at night when my mind was scrambled with thoughts and predicaments that bellow deep from within, only parts of me i let you see. you used to look at me from the side as if hoping i wouldnt notice you stealing glances of me giggling at your not so funny jokes you tend to tell quit too often. you used to wait for the little moments just as i got comfy in your bed, relaxed and nestled youd wrap your arms around my waist just to watch me be squeamish as you tickled my sides till they hurt. you used to rant to me about why your favorite sent is pine needles and why you hate wearing shirts to bed even if it was cold, although they were little topics i would listen because they were what made you so phenomenal. you used to make the face the one where you would stare blankly as your nose schrunches and lips pressed tightly together like a kid refusing medicine, all because of my sarcastic comments when you tried to be serious. you used to trace on the paper of your latest drawing that makes your head spin endlessly, or the thoughts of how one thing lead to another in a swift moment, and most of all the paths in my mind that somehow you just always knew what i was thinking. you used to be the one who spoke with such charm itd leave me breathless and in a puddle. you didnt even try to make the words flow so smoothly you just had that gift of knowledge that you refuse to admit you have. but thats the thing you used to.

breath or death holding onto the thought of you like it gives me #life like you put the air in my lungs and right now im suffocating no longer holding my breath im begging for fresh air as you stand there watching me grasp at nothing but false hope you knew i couldnt hold on so you let go but all you had to do was save me from drowning.

no longer a bookmark everyone is a book but i read yours too often. you are the type of book that leaves the reader hanging after every punctual phrase. making them want more in anticipation like a drug. you dont hesitate to hand out a copy to everyone who meets your soft hazel eyes. you already know that they are hooked, how couldnt they be when you tell the cover story so well? sadly enough im only a bookmark to you, holding a place that you will continue when you are ready, when the time is right for you. ive been on hold for weeks aching for the day you turn the pages in my mind and memorize every word said after the fact. i want them to be imprinted on the tip of your tounge so you have the taste of me whenever you speak. every syllable will come from the memories of my voice, going unnoticed to everyone around as you try and catch yourself falling deep within my paper back spine. once you notice im madly in love with your story i hope you never pick up another book. after all this time watching you frantically try to skim through chapters of roughed up books that always come with a return date placed in bold print on the front. i will never understand why you put yourself though the stories that give away the ending or are predictable from the start. i guess thats just your thing. thats why im a bookmark and not a book to you. i need to move on instead of being stuck on the same page. so now im becoming my own book and you will just be another chapter among all the rest. you will be read through, skimmed over, maybe even skipped. but at least i knew you where more than a bookmark to me. i held you in the palm of my hands and caressd you between my fingers like freshly crisp paper. your ink will most likly drip and smear from tears if i ever have the nerve to read your chapter although it should have stayed a rough draft in my recycling bin. but if you even find a copy of our story i will hope you remember the story line from your point of view because this is mine. you were the prince charming as all princess have found in their happily ever after but i have drowned my ever after in pills that turns the happiness into numbness for fear that you have taken too much of my shine. we hoped for the best as long as it meant you would be happy and i would be okay, thats how its supposed to be right? if im lucky ill find the ending to this unfinished book but from the looks of it i will never find a happy one if thats a real thing for the ones that put their heart on the line.