Never Said I Did There seems to be someone out there that wants me to stop posting these jokes. I never said I wrote them. I have always mentioned that I "got" them. No I don't create these jokes, but I thought if they made me laugh then they might do the same for others. I guess when people try to make things simple there most certainly is always someone out there to make them complicated. If you all feel the same and want me to stop posting jokes that I find, feel free to let me know. De
Goodbye Mother Young Simon was walking around his local supermarket picking up a few items for his evening meal when he noticed an old lady was following him. He tried to ignore her but every direction he went she followed. Eventually he went to the checkout, but the old lady managed to push in front of him and turned to speak to him. “I beg your pardon,” she said, “I am very sorry if I have alarmed you by following you around, but you look just like my son who died recently.” “I am very sorry to hear that,” replied Simon, “that must be very disconcerting for you. Is there anything I can do to help you?” “Well there is one thing that would cheer me up a bit,” she said. “As I’m leaving, will you call out ‘Goodbye mother’ to me?” “Of course,” answered Simon and as the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye mother!” The girl on the till checked out his items and said “That will be $135.” Simon was shocked. “How can my bill be $135?” he asked, “I’ve only bought a few things!” The checkout girl replied, “Your mother said that you would pay for her!”
No Time For A Haircut A guy sticks his head round the door of the barbershop and asks, ‘How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, ‘About 2 hours’, ‘OK’ said the guy and left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head round the door and again asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?’ The barber looked around at the shop and said, ‘About 2-3 hours.’ As before, the guy left. A week later, the same guy returns and stucks his head into the shop and asked, ‘How long before I can get a haircut?’ The barber looked around the shop and said, ‘About an hour and a half today Sir.’ True to form the guy walked away. However this time the barber turned to his friend and said, ‘Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.’ A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, ‘So what’s so funny and where does that guy go when he leaves?’ Bill looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, ‘Your house!’
YouAreAwesome!
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Alexi Lili
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Criss
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