My Friend Cam At 11 in the morning Cam is fast asleep. (shouting through the door) Me: Cam?!? Cam:...nhhhn...What? Me: Osama bin Laden's dead. (pause) Cam: Fuck off I don't believe you ( goes back to sleep)

Slippery Slope Seeing your Opuss profile slide down the ranks is like watching an intimate and treasured long term relationship slowly break down. Only worse.

My Friend Cam Cam's 7 yr old Cousin: Caaaam? Cam: Yeah? Cams cousin: Do you have a girlfriend? Cam: er no I don't mate, no Cams cousin: I do (smugly smiles and leaves) Cam: ( Watches him leave, narrows his eyes then whispers) ...fuck you, I'm taller.

My Friend Cam Cam: Can you please not post #quotes of me on your strange little app? Or at least change my name and give me a pseudonym ...oh oh! Or give me a porn name! Me: Yeah, of course. Lance Blitzstein: Thanks mate.

My Friend Cam When discussing what animals we would be for a day. Me: You'd have to be something with thumbs, you know, so you could still play Xbox. Cam: (confidently) Nah I'd be an eagle..................(eyes widen)......... with thumbs.