The Best Opuss Ever! I've got to write an Opuss and I've got to write it now! Tomorrow will be too late! (OK Jim, don't have a cow!) Well, I'm telling you this Opuss is absolutely brill! I bet I'll get a thousand "likes" - in fact I KNOW I will! I'll go shooting up the rankings from 46 to number one So here it is Ladies and Gentlemen... Oh, shit - too late - it's fucking gone...

Goodbye Sir #RIPTerry The disc's on a tilt As the elephants wilt And the turtle can't hold back the tears All the characters sigh As they say their goodbye To the man who's been there all these years It's hard to comprend Their creator and friend Has decided to draw his last breath Now he walks hand in hand Through this fantasy land As he keeps his appointment with Death. God bless Sir Terry.

I Love Her Really... #OWC OK, Sie, here's 3 things that I could not be without Number 1: Gotta be my iPhone - of this I have no doubt Number 2: I'd choose the telly, so that I can watch Big Bang Don't you just love that Sheldon and Koothrappali's Indian twang Number 3: After much consideration it's "She Who Must Be Obeyed" Well, she's useful in the kitchen, or my bed when I wanna get laid... (if she EVER sees this I'm a dead man walking)

Oh, Dear... Cheer up they said - things could get worse. So I cheered up - and sure enough they did...

I Hate To Wait Warning! Bad language. #OWC If there's one thing in the whole world that' I'm guaranteed to hate It's making an appointment and have the bastard turn up late If we agree on 8 o'clock then I don't mean ten to nine Time to me is precious and you're bloody wasting mine So each minute I'm kept waiting I'll raise my glass and toast your health And when at last you get here I'll say "Go and fuck yourself!"