Just Because Just because I'm laughing louder doesn't mean I'm happier, It just means it's getting harder to keep up the act. Just because I have more scars doesn't mean I'm braver, It just means I've been hurt more. Just because my mother allows me to do anything doesn't mean she loves me more, It just means she doesn't care. Just because I pack quickly doesn't mean I'm organised, It just means that I'm used to running away. Just because I like to sort things doesn't mean I'm a neat freak, It just means that my #life is a mess I can't fix. Just because I wear makeup doesn't mean I want to look better, It just mean that my mascara is giving me a reason not to cry. Just because I seem to have a lot of free time doesn't mean I'm efficient, It just means that my #life has a time limit.

Four Leaf Clover It is said that a four leaf clover can grant you any one wish you desire. When I was eight, my #life was given a time limit. I was diagnosed with a condition that would make me permanently lose eyesight by the age of twenty five. That summer me and my two best friends went out to an acre big clover field to find, one single four leaf clover. The chance of finding one is 0.1%. Three months went by in second whilst we searched for the clover from break till dawn. On the very last day, Chase pounced me and showed me a four leaf clover. That day I wished that I wouldn't loose colour in my #life be it metaphorical or not. We never found a clover that day, my great grandma was so worried for us that she'd taken a three leaf clover and sewn on another leaf. Fast forward to the summer seven years later, a procedure has been developed for the condition I have that will allow me to keep my eyesight permanently off course with its on risks but at least there is a solution, the same pair of friends come with me to reconcile at the clover field by pure accident my hat is carried away by the wind it lands on a single patch of clovers away from all the others among them a five leaf clover is swaying with the breeze. The chances of finding a five leaf clover on first try are 0.001%. #life is what happens when you are too busy searching for a four leaf clover.

My Bed Up until now I've never had my own bed, I've always slept on the same slanted sofa for as long as I can remember. It gave me terrible back pain but every morning I woke up and longed to go to school just so I can catch a couples of z's in math class. Eight grade I got upgraded to another sofa this on wasn't slanted and much bigger than the older one but one of the springs was broken and got taken out so there was somewhat of a dent split in the middle. That wasn't bed because two weeks later my parents got me a cat and for some reason it loved the dent and didn't mind if I put my legs near her or even on top. Tenth Grade my parents thought enough is enough and got me a sofa (yes still)....BUT...it rolled out into a bed. I never once rolled it out because it took up all the space and I couldn't get the door to open in the morning (I should probably mention that I've never had my own room either I've always slept in the living room). Not to mention it was made out of leather I kid you not the entire mattress was leather is was one of those Art Deco chairs that you aren't supposed to sit in, it's just there. However as hard and uncomfortable that was to sleep on that year I met my first boyfriend and we'd snuggle together on that uncomfortable 'bed' and it no longer seemed uncomfortable... I have my own bed now and sometimes I think that if clouds were more dense they would feel like my bed. But. I no longer go to school. My cat died. My boyfriend broke up with me. I no longer have a living room and I lost all contact with my parents. I guess without intention I'm trying to get across one point everyone is tired of hearing - appreciate what you are given no matter how small or insignificant because one day it may no longer be there. Because I'd rather have one small shitty sofa that was made out of leather, slanted to the point where I'd constantly roll off it and have a dent split in the middle than be alone in my own bed.

Rhyming Couplet When the power of love overcomes the love of power, Only then will there be a chance for true peace

My Own Personal Hell I had today coming for years. Today I feel like I've truly experienced hell. Backed into dark corners of my subconsciousness I've lost myself today and there is no one else to blame. Since childhood I've kept all my emotions,secrets and most definitely the past hidden from everyone I know because whenever I tried to open up to a person they fled for the hills. Today was no exception, today I lost my world, today I lost the one I love, today I lost the one I trust, today I lost the one I trusted. People often get frustrated at me once they get to know me better because I don't share the 'deep stuff' and that I wear a mask but today was different. Today I was told that the person under the mask is worst than the one wearing it that the person underneath was a manipulator who used guilt as its weapon. Today I was told that I make people emotionally drained and miserable. Today I was told that I'm a fake, an actor, a pretender. Today there's no one here around me, Today there's no one here to understand me, Today there's no one here to call. Today I feel betrayed as though my hands are broken. One day I will be able to forgive but never will I learn to hug again. Today I lost my trust and faith in humankind. Today I'm flipping off the switch. Today I'm shutting off my own humanity. Today I'll loose control of who I am and ain't nobody going to save me. Today I won't stand up but instead enjoy my fall. Today I'll leave everything behind even though for once I'm shinning. Today it matters who and what I let under my skin. Today I'm stepping back from the fire of my own personal hell. Today I'll hold everything back - all emotions and desires. Today I'll convince myself to be someone else and hold back from the world. Today I'm a pretender, tomorrow I'm an actor and after that a fake but really I'm what you call a friend. Today I feel alone, Today I am alone, Today I'm dying....