Ink / Goodnight. Sunset drips its golden ink on random spots of the 6 oclock sky My mascara runs. My face runs. The paint and the water mix and suddenly I'm someone else again. My hand shakes. It dots the paper with accidental pools of black. Writing with real ink, for the first time as a child, is something I remember. almost. A drop of my face lands on the letter, half written, mixing the word "weary" with a warm peach watercolor, letting the ink in the r and the y run and bleed. I smile, with the portion of my mouth i have left. I leave it like that. I leave the pen uncapped, Letting the ink go dry, Letting my face melt into the champagne carpet, Letting all of my worries, my expressions (when the emotions are available), my eyebrows and my nose and all the issues I had in my head with the shape of my mouth, Melt. Blot. Bleed.

A New Incision Somebody stitched a new girl. A girl who knows, now, What fourteen surgeries In a single month Could take out of a soul. What staring into the eye of fate And having her spit at you Does to a heart. A heart beat, single and pure, Displayed on a screen for all to hear Something deep within her Taken out And laid on a table with the scalpels, Laid plain and proud Open and vulnerable In a way she had never been before. Helpless. Her legs shaking every time she got up, Her eyes darting to the door each time It opened, Awaiting someone new To take her away To be cut open once again In a never ending cycle A revolving door Of people digging further into her bare chest Looking for that very heartbeat Cracking her ribs Poking her veins All to take her innocent heart, Clean and pure, Like the smell of the gloves they wore, Or the cut Of a new incision. They replaced it with a new one. It beats a little slower, Dragging its thumps like warm feet in clunky boots, Wiser, Kinder, But dreadfully tired. She exists, now, as a new girl, Sewn together from the parts they found. She's got something missing, something old. But this brand new look in her eye. And whether she looks in the mirror, Or looks out the window, All she sees are the new incisions In a world once clean and good.

Update - Not An Opuss - hey sorry guys, this isnt gonna be as pretty as my other posts. Basically, i have two open wounds in my chest from the accident that got severely infected and i've been in the hospital for the past 5 days, and will be for an indefinite amount of time. Until the infection goes away at least. Just wanted to explain why I haven't been posting. I'm really focusing on getting better, and not blaming the universe on my shitty, shitty luck. -

Rain, In A Sense. Sun shines yellow through the patch green leaves, And the color it creates reminds me of the yellow bruises on my body. I keep telling myself Carmen Be strong Don't cry But the pain comes in waves, in patterns With no end. As quickly as a lightning storm Fading softly like the rain.

I Almost Died Last Night - Word Vomit A world made of Air and glass In which I floated For a brief moment In the space Between #life and death. I remember the pop - The loss of control - The tire coming off - The feeling of animal panic - The acceptance that As I was flipping over three lanes of US1 I was probably going to die. I remember the classic rock station. I remember how the#moonwas hidden behind the clouds And that I could barely see its outline As I crawled out of my shattered window And i felt glass on my bare feet But i didnt care Because my head was bleeding, My arms were bleeding, My legs were bleeding, But I was alive. And I remember starting to cry. After that, its a blur of ambulances, And purple scrubs And people telling me i'm lucky to be alive While wiping dirt and blood from the top of my head. I havent slept yet. Im scared of what i'll see when i close my eyes.