An Open Apology
“Be realistic. But don’t ever lose faith.”
These were the best blunt words that I have ever heard from a really good friend. And I missed him.. saying this kind nonsense over and over.
Our previous tête -à-tête made me grasp that I wasn't living pragmatically. I was just getting by; living necessarily from the scraps of my childhood; from the trauma I had way back in High school; and from the unequal love I have received when I was being attended to by my parents. He was right, to make me realize that #life is as important as knowing my own worth. He had me know that there are a lot of people who’d still be willing to accept me for all the differences and mistakes I have committed. No matter how big, or absolute; No matter how recent or old they may be. And I’m quite grateful.
But this man whom I shared a deep connection with, how could I still blame him for his words? I know I shouldn’t be exasperated because he chose to be with me in consolation, but I still did him wrong and broke his heart in so many ways. Maybe, I hated him for saying the truth, because it hurts too much to hear from someone whom you are deeply in love with. But indeed, I am fortunate to have such a loyal friend, a forgiving lover-- someone who never condemns, and someone who speaks in the truths of God.
Right now, I wish that he could hear me through these lengthy thoughts, though I still do not have the courage to speak to him. I hope he knows that he has lifted my troubles in ways only the heart can understand, and that I still love him in all fairness—at times when I have surrendered and lowered my guard, and most especially, during those vainest of times when he forced my choking words out of me. Thank you for stripping my unbearable soul; for putting some sense into my sober thoughts and for making me see that my nakedness and simplicity is beautiful. And most of all, thank you for never losing faith and sight and hope that I am still in love with you.