Stay Awake I lie awake staring at the walls, woken by a dream that seemed so real. My heart aches so bad and I fist my shaking hands to keep from reaching for my phone. As much as I need the reassurance it wasn't real, part of me knows that what happened in that dream may come to pass. That I'll be left behind. After all I've seen you make the choice that hurts me the most. No matter how much I try to close my eyes and think of something different, the inages continue to haunt me. It's breaking my heart. I'm exhausted but I continue staying awake because this pain is better than the nightmare waiting for me.

A Different Kind I promised once, a dear friend of mine that I would love with everything I have. To pour all my heart into the person I choose to love. To sacrifice everything I can to make him happy. My dear friend warned me that not everyone will understand, that I'll be left feeling lonely most of the time. After all finding love isn't easy. We knew I'd get hurt, that I'd stumble multiple times along the way. We knew I'd get my heart broken. But we believed I was stronger than anyone else gave me credit for, that I'd take the criticism; that I'd take the broken pieces and put it together again, that I'll become stronger, try a lot more harder, love that much longer. We knew because we've seen and felt the kind of love that changes people. The kind that inspires others to be kinder, gentler. The kind that is selfish but also gives and gives and gives. The kind that grabs on to you no matter how long ago it was. My dear friend passed away and left me a promise that I'd find it again someday, as long as I continue believing, continue loving the way we once felt loved before. I'm still keeping my promise. It gets lonely, it hurts each time I fail. But we were right, it changes people. And now I'm not the only one who understands our kind of love anymore.

Everything I Have To Give When it comes to you I give everything that I have, anything that you ask for, everything that I can. You know I'll try whatever needs to be done to get you to smile. I cajole, tease, take your punishments and words. You know everthing I am is yours. They call me stupid, crazy, and all other belittling things when your back is turned. You don't hear them, but I do. Of course I hurt hearing them whisper about me, but what can I do about people's opinions of me and how I choose to love you? Yes maybe someone can love you better than I do. Maybe someone can open your heart that remains closed to me. But until then, until she proves to me she can love you more than I can, I can't quit loving you in my selfish way.

Lie To Me Lie to me when you kiss me in front of your friends. Lie to me when you kiss me when we're alone. Lie to me when you hold my hand. Lie to me when you ask how I am. Lie to me when you care if I'm home safe. Lie to me when you say you miss me. Lie to me when you hold me in your arms. Lie to me when you say you're home. Lie to me when you're with someone else. Lie to me when you're kissing someone else's lips. Lie to me when you're deep inside someone else. Lie to me when you say you don't want me hurt, be used by someone else. Lie to me and pretend you don't know I love you. Lie to me and say you don't see me hurting.

Comfort Kisses And Broken Hearts A kiss on the cheek, on top my eyelids, on my nose, on my forehead. A kiss to comfort my broken heart. A heart broken by you. I am a fool for letting you do this; be vulnerable to your words, your kind of love. I turn in your arms and watch you sleep. Hear your breath and feel it as it brushes my face. And I commit each detail more to memory. Earlier you had dropped kisses in laughter all across my face as I wiggled underneath you in non-stop hysterics while you tickled me. We did this a lot before, back in our happier times. Then you asked me to stay, to not leave to you while you grabbed a quick shower. No, there wasn't any hanky-panky. We just lied together in each other's arms. And I loved you more because of it.