"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known" ~ Carl Sagan

After Death I don't necessarily believe in a god, but that's not to say that one doesn't exist. We have no proof as to if there is a god or not, just like we have no proof that our universe is the end. Science just hasn't reached that far yet, and it may never. I was brought up as a catholic, I know the beliefs of the Catholic Church and there is nothing wrong with the majority of them- they're just not my own. I see no proof to the existence of a god; and I know that pretty much makes me a doubting Thomas, but today it isn't always a smart idea to go on faith alone. This doesn't mean that I'm an atheist though, an atheist is someone with a strong faith that no god exists- and that isn't me. I don't know if there is some greater being out there, but I definitely don't believe in god in a religious sense. Especially the whole after#life thing. Many religions believe in some sort of after#life- the idea goes all the way back to the ancients- somewhere to go after you're #life on this world has ended; but by my beliefs no such after#life exists. When we die, we die, there isn't anything left. It's the end. And I think that we delude ourselves with a sense of somewhere like heaven so that we're not so afraid of that ever approaching darkness. And it's a nice idea I guess, but I'd rather not lie to myself all the way up to those final breaths. Stepping off of that cliff into the unknown is terrifying, but in the end we have no choice. Even if you've led the most sheltered #life in the world, death is still a certainty and it will forever be an unknown to the living. Everything comes to an end, and one day none of the people we knew will exist, and new people with new dreams will; and everything that we ever did will just be a story to them- the last pieces of ourselves left on earth. And that's scary- to think that in the end none of it matters, but it's also strangely freeing. To know that all of those little mistakes just don't matter in the great scheme of things, can give you such a sense of freedom- we all return to dust and ashes. And we're all just stories in the end. © Emily Hay 11/6/2013

Positives Repel My mum and me, we argue. More often every day, And as the days go on now They've begun to escalate. We started out so well, When it's good, it's great! But when it's bad it's worse than that, It's almost like war. The fights became more frequent, The anger very real. But I want to make peace, Please hear out my appeal. Mum, I want to say I'm sorry For everything I've done, For being selfish, spoilt, rude, Like a teenager- though I am one! I accept my part In all the anger that we feel, But you need to own up too, It can't all be me you know. I'm not the only one to blame, It takes two of us to argue. You know we're really not that different- me and you. They say opposites attract, But two positives will repel. Just like you and me, Like two magnets refusing to meet. I inherited your temper And that's why we're this way, Screaming at each other Each and every day. Maybe we should learn to cool off, It'd be better then. Speak to each other instead of shouting, Maybe we could be friends? But it's only going to work If you try too, Because if one of us gets angry It's a domino effect. So I just want you to know, That I really do love you, And I hope that through everything, You still love me too. © Emily Hay 5/3/2013

Lost His deep blue eyes were burning into me as I fought the urge to slap him into next week. "I should have known not to expect too much from you, getting attached means getting hurt." "Then why did you let yourself get attached?" I stared into the pools of his eyes, his gaze hardening, as if I could see into his very soul; and in that moment I knew that he was feeling everything that I was. "Because by the time I realised what was happening, I was already in too deep." I had tried so hard to remain whole, but my voice was shaky as this came out. I lowered my gaze to my tightly fisted hands, I could feel my nails biting into the soft skin of my palms, but I didn't care. He gently reached out and tilted my face to meet his as tears streaked down my face. I saw his gaze soften as he pulled me to him, "I think we were both out of our depth when we started this game we're playing, we lost ourselves along the way." I leaned further into him wanting to think that this understanding meant that everything would be alright, but it wouldn't. Neither of us were capable of handling the emotions we felt, they just dragged us on and on. And as I played with a stray lock of my flaming red hair I realized that he was right; I'd lost myself somewhere along the way. © Emily Hay 28/12/2012

Said It All I'd never been much of a speaker, I mean sure I talked to people, but I was never really able to bring things across in words. And it made me jealous, how you did it. You just had this way with words, and it astounded me. Everyone always asked how I was, but I never had the right words; so I said I was fine. I almost made myself believe it, almost. But you can only fool yourself for so long. And the truth was I missed you, I missed you so much; even though I hate you and your jerky arrogant ways. But there's a thin line between love and hate, and somewhere on the way we crossed it. So for some reason beyond my control I love you, and I know that at one time you loved me too- I just don't know if that's still true. So I know my words aren't as good as yours-yours say so much more- but in this moment for me, these said it all. © Emily Hay 23/12/2012