These Bones Are Mine3 December twenty third, Stay home from church. Dad says I have to stay in my room. He thinks that is a punishment. My stomach is killing me. Literally. Don't give up and don't give in. I'm dizzy. This is good. Sit-ups will take my mind of the pain. One, two, three, .....14, 15. My mid section hurts worse. Time to weigh myself. Damn. I start to cry. I try to hold it in. I can't. I'm going insane. I am insane. I can smell my sister making potatoes. Just what I need. Ana- don't you dare! Me- Ana- what is that going to accomplish? Me- Ana- I thought so, close your door and do squats. She is right. My thighs burn. I don't eat, I can't sleep, I refuse to let my bones hide.

This Is Me This is me This is who I want to be This is Ana Always by my Side This is her Eating me Alive

These Bones Are Mine2 December twenty second, 8:38 pm. Saturday night. I told them I couldn't hang out. I meant I didn't want to. I told them that I felt sick. I meant that I was dizzy from not eating all day. 150 sit ups. 500 jumping jacks. Weigh myself. Too much. Too big. Too fat. I do another set. I need water. I left my cup downstairs. Great. I gulp in air as I quickly run down the stairs in to the kitchen and back up again. I hear my name being called. Dinner time. I was just down there. Didn't they see me? I go back down. Food. Lots and lots of food. Not to mention desert. Oh god kill me now. I push my food around and cut it up. I try to keep up conversation. My mom is staring at my plate. She doesn't know. No one knows. Only Ana and I know. She is going to kill me if I eat now. I can't disappoint her. I rinse of my plate and crawl up to my bedroom. My safe haven. It's a Saturday night and I'm spending it with myself, my bathroom, my diet pills, and a thinspo website. I think I'm becoming sick. But I have to see my bones.

These Bones Are Mine 1 December twenty second, Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Grit your teeth. Move your toes. Let your heart beat get louder. Feel the rush of blood between your veins. My morning routine. Very simple but takes awhile to master. I keep my eyes closed as I make my way to the scale. I know this path better than I know myself. 124. 124. 124. 124. I feel the tears run down my face. I'll skip breakfast. I don't want to exercise right now. I'll take a shower instead. I trace my bones. Or rather where they should be. Mornings are hard. Afternoons are worse and nights are a complete night terror. But these bones are mine. This is what I've chosen to become slave to. These bones are undoubtedly mine. And mine alone.