Brand New Person, Same Old Mistakes My gaze travels across the dimly lit club in a bored manner, the muscled wannabe entrepreneur still trying to chat me up. The lights are blinding and flashing in an uncomfortable staccato to keep up with the beat of whatever euro-edm the dj is playing. I nod, prompting the entrepreneur to continue with his new ideas I hear from six other guys earlier that night. I suddenly catch the eye of a still figure mixed in the pulsing crowd. It's a person I could recognize anywhere, at any time. Suddenly, my heart is burning, tearing, beating in time with the music. Are you real? Are you here? Is she here? I'm excited. I'm scared. I had handed over my heart so quickly and it's a mistake I seem to make often. I stand up too quickly, my eyes still holding his. Nothing around me could penetrate my concentration as I crossed the club to the dance floor. I found myself standing right under him, his large frame towering over mine. We both said nothing and made no further advances. The mood of the entire atmosphere changed as soon as the heavy bass of tame impala filled the little airspace left. We both moved at once, our hands finding each other's bodies. "Feel like a brand new person..." We press closer and my hands are on his arms, his face, his hair. Anywhere and everywhere. "But you make the same old mistakes." His hands are on my waist. Pulling me closer closer closer... His lips in my hair, on my face, my neck. Over and over. And suddenly, the tears are pouring down my face. Because I'm sad? No, never with him. "But I don't care, I'm in love.." You hurt me. You left me. You cut me out. You knew I was scared. You knew why I didn't open up to you immediately. You knew you were leaving. You never intended to tell me either. And yet, in the middle of some underground club in the middle of a random deadbeat city, I've found you. "Stop before it's too late." The person I'd take a bullet for is the one behind the trigger. And he's already shot me. I know he could easily do it again. But I don't care....I'm in love.

Numb You sit and stare at the stars as you take a drag from the third cigarette you've lit since you sat outside half an hour ago. They don't fill you with the same sense of wonder and romance since you last saw them. His arms were around you then, his deep voice in your hair. But serpents have silver tongues that seduce and their bite leaves you poisoned. You resent feelings that come with memories and you ache to rid your body of them so the venom doesn't sting. Desperately, oh so desperately, you want to ask him why. Why did you not tell me, why did you lie, why did you leave? And still beneath these, coiled deep, was the need to know. Are you cheating on me? You drink until you pass out, flirt with strangers, walk alone in the middle of the night. You search for the vices you swore to never touch. Anything to take away your right mind. A different reason to cry. In bed, you find any excuse to never look them in the face because while you lie there, tears course down your cheeks. You want it to be him. You want him to hold you, touch you, stroke your cheek. You feel empty as they moan into your neck. Even more so when they're asleep, their arms wrapped possessively around your body. You stare at the wall, wishing the numb, empty feeling would come back because if you feel, you remember and you can't stand crying anymore today. You're exhausted. You feel drained. An empty shell. You sit and stare at the stars as you think about the carefree girl you used to be. With #life and love in her heart. But now, you're only numb.

Disasterology So you never wanna be a couple, huh? Well, fuck love. All I got for you is middle fingers pointed up.

Regret I shouldn't have messaged you. It makes me sad because I know it's not ever going to be how it was but I still hope it will. I want to be happy because you seem to be but it still hurts so much and I don't know what to do. I wish I could ask you straight up but I think I'll always be afraid to. I saw it. What could have been. And damn I wanted it. I wanted it so bad but I can't have it now. And now it's gone forever. And that precious girl with your pretty eyes is gone too. I never met her but I miss her. I miss you too. But you're both gone and I never got to say goodbye.

Archy I met your friend Archy tonight and I will not lie, she's beautiful inside and out. The hate she gets from others is unnecessary and now I know what drives you to feel so protective. She's sweet and caring and god she's amazing. She's so amazing and now I understand why you love her too. Knowing this I can say if you would ever leave me, I'd gladly let it be her you left me for.