Death Is Not The Only Option- Chapter Two Part Two Mine and my mothers relationship was fragile, a simple thing could tear it apart. The smallest of arguments, the smallest mistakes, anything that could ever be considered small and hurtful. Whether it was hurtful towards me or her, it hurt us both, just not in the same way. I sighed, and rolled off my bed. I decided that today I needed to at least attempt to focus on nothing but my education, because thinking it over there is nothing in this world that can stop me getting away from this house. There are many dreams that I wish to accomplish, and whilst in this house there is not way that I would be able to do them, because the only thing my mother has be able to do for me, is hold me back. I made my way over to my mirror that stood on my bright white dressing table, wiping my eyes as I did so. I say at my chair which was placed directly in the middle of the dressing table, angled slightly so I could see precisely into the mirror. I stared at my reflection, noticing every mistake and flaw about me instantly. I noticed how my face was freckly, and how my lips were just not the right colour. I noticed how my hair had no #life to it, and how my hair pretty much resembled me. I noticed how much I was different to everyone else. I know this is something to be glad about, because following a crowd has been something I have hated doing, and hated watching people doing so. I just don't understand what is so great about everyone having the same things.

Death Is Not The Only Option Chapter Something Sorry for uploading such random parts of my story, haven't had the time to write more, this is a follow on from my last post! If anything were to change like I had expected it to, it wouldn't be minor. It would be more than noticeable, in fact I probably wouldn't be able to talk anymore, let alone walk on the earth plane without anyone's eyes seeing what I really am. I also wouldn't have been able to watch my own funeral, it's not everyday that you see everyone mourning over your death, you especially don't expect to die when your sixteen, so when your suddenly trying to get the attention of your family members of which are surrounding your coffin, containing your dead body, it comes as a bit of a a shock to you. When I was alive I heard all these stories about how if your bad you go to hell and I'd your good you go to heaven. Well, the place I've sadly ended up is a place in m between, a place called limbo. I would say its better than living in earth but then I would be lying. To love in limbo, you have to make sacrifices, some are worse than others, whereas some are better. I would give anything to be back in the earth plane and with my family again, but the problem is, you can't get brought back to #life. That is one of the things that is impossible to accomplish. Resurrection. My hopes and my dreams are now revolving around that one small word. If I were to have one more chance at #life, I know I would take it in both hands and live it to my full extent. I wouldn't take precautions because I'm too scared to be who I really am. I wouldn't change myself to make other people happy. I wouldn't fall for people I know wont love me back. That's one thing I regret. Not saying how I really feel. I used to dream about getting married when I grew up. Living my #life. But without the confidence to do so, that dream was pretty much beyond existence right from the beginning. Like if I should continue from the start!<3

Death Is Not The Only Option-part Something... I wrote this before I actually started writing death is not the only option, it's a little way into the story, like if I should continue! People say that when you die, everything ends. Your #life, your soul, your existence. But what they don't have the knowledge of, is that death is not the only option. There are many reasons why I chose the alternative option to death, well there are three. Number one, I wasn't ready to be at peace nor say goodbye to my family and friends. Number two, I thought it would be a good experience to live #life invisible, be nothing but a mere ghost living on the earth plane. Finally, number three, I don't want to feel what I really am, I don't want to feel dead. The weirdest part about dying is that nothing really changed. In reality you would expect a pretty big difference, but in this dream world nothing changed except how many friends I had, and the company I shared my time with. It felt weird at first, being away from my family and friends I mean, because usually my day consists of going out and spending a day with my friends, having a laugh, the usual teenager behaviour to have. Now, my day is boring, and dull. All I have to do is stand around waiting for others to get hurt. Badly. Sometimes it hurts me to watch, sometimes is doesn't.

Death Is Not The Only Option- Chapter 2 I have always hated it when my alarm goes off in the morning. Wanting to constantly press the snooze button and no wake up, no matter what. What with everything that was happening in my #life, I'm sure I gained to right to just lay there and think about things other and school work and my future. Today there was no change, I just pressed the snooze button over and over until it no longer let me do so. I just wanted to lay in bed and keep myself hidden from the rest of the world, especially Mason, I knew I couldn't face him today, because I couldn't get the thought out of my head that perhaps one day he will not even know of me, and that he will be oblivious to my existence. I couldn't get the thought out of my head that one day he will be happy-without me, and the only way to do that is to not see him. "Gina honey get up your going to be late for school!" my mother called me from downstairs, obviously trying to sound caring about my education, when me and her both know that she doesn't. I didn't reply to her, knowing that after the first shout that she wouldn't try to persuade me. Mine and my mothers relationship was fragile, a simple thing could tear it apart.

Death Is Not The Only Option- Chapter One Part 2 I remember the moments we shared together as young teenagers, we were then and still are so close, which is why I can't let him know how I feel about him, because ruining our friendship because I can't keep in my feelings for him, is the last thing I wish to do. I remember when we used to stay with each other twenty four seven, when we used to be in primary school that is, when we had no worry in the world, and #life itself just seemed a bit of fun. The days I spent with him used to be the best days of my #life, and now that we have so much to do lately what with high school and him getting a new-more popular- group of friends, then our friendship pretty much doesn't exist as much as it did. Although its a small friendship, I wouldn't want it to be destroyed and be humiliated in front of him-and his friends.