The Vow Of Suffering It is with chills through my core and with damp eyes that I kneel before it. It is very majestic with its humbleness, its honesty... I am about to take a vow that is going to cause me to suffer, that will challenge me (both body and mind) to my fullest. There are going to be moments that will make me pray for just a tiny gasp of air, of just a second relief... I am about to witness the worst pain of my #life. And still it is with great commitment that I choose to take this vow, for this vow will cure me. This vow of suffering, this absolute commitment, this will set me free.

The Curse Of #life Often I wish things were different. I don't have any actual regrets, #life would just be easier if events played out in another way. I've tried to put my finger on it - but then again I already contemplate too much. Perhaps it's the distance... perhaps it's not. Im not particulary unhappy, actually I've never felt more hopeful, but when the thoughts catch me there is no one to calm me down, to support me and to bring me back. I think I will always hold back a part of myself, and unfortunatley it might be my best part. It's to protect you - I try to say to myself... But I know it's not true. Maybe one day I'll be able to release everything and be cured from the pattern that I've learned to live after. But don't get me wrong - everything I said I felt for you is true. And I feel incredibly fortunate to be with you. It's just the lonelyness that comes with your absence that entangles me with a thorny vine and it hurts. Often I wish things would be different. I don't have any actual regrets, #life would just be easier if events played out in another way. I miss you so much. And I wish we had more time together. Every beat of my heart is for you. For now, for tomorrow and for eternity.

Urge For Pain It can be immensely agonizing. Mostly you long for its relief. It can destroy your mindset and character. It can ruin your day. At its peak it's impossible to ignore it. Some people are startled by it, but in special moments it can be the most satisfying feeling. So completely honest and innocent. Stripped to its bones of truthfulness. It is the most beautiful thing. It is what makes us appreciate. It gives us motivation. Without it we would be long extingt.