The Journey Listen close and you shall hear Of a journey not too far I went my, my boy To the corner store And bought some of those cheese things They weren't so fresh.

My opus This is my opus I wrote for the Pope-us As boys he wold grope us And use soap on a rope-us We rode on the short bus To the school made of green pus With a driver named Old Gus Who'd try to molest us

A Woman From China There once as a woman from China You thought I'd rhyme that with vagina If you found that offensive It's not that expensive To get me to show you one finer #China #vagina

Proof That God Exists I can prove that god exist, and she has a sense of humor with a single word. Farts. Think about evolution, survival of the fittest. When our ancestors were trying to sneak up on or hide from saber-toothed tigers, god put the gas vent between two big bologna flaps. What evolutionary purpose could the sound of a fart actually serve? None. In fact, "brrrrrrpt," was highly likely to get your 45th great grandad eaten, or to scare off his lunch. The only logical conclusion is that god thinks farts are as funny as we do. So fart with faith that you are expressing the voice of god from between your buttocks. #fart #god

The Good Old Days Remember the good old days... Before penicillin The sniffles could kill you Half your family died at birth Kids were eaten by bears on the way to school You could smoke at the hospital while visiting your brother in an iron lung There were no food safety regulations Highways didn't exist There was one tv channel and you couldn't show a toilet or a married couple in the same bed Racism was cool People wore long sleeved wool clothing year round Every time you had sex, somebody got pregnant You had to poop outdoors Drinking water was dangerous