Tell Me, Was It Worth It Tell me, was it worth it? All the tears just seem to fit When you're tearing me down Plain out breaking me down Then you point your finger at me What I've got to do and what I've got to be Will it ever be enough To give you all of my love I know I'm not much But with every little touch I'm falling again and again So are we really nearing an end Or will you see my true intent The meaning behind every argument Because I'm losing you My heart doesn't know what to do My mind is all wrong I fear I won't see you for very long If in the end you really quit Tell me, was it really worth it? -Rikki Celiceo

731 Days Ago That's 1,052,640 minutes. Well probably not exactly but this is where it is. The beginning of a new chapter in out lives together. Because going back to where out story left off yesterday; things were headed in all the right ways. But I just didn't know that. I went to school the next day with my hoodie up and my face in my locker. Speed walking in between classes and above all, avoiding the boy I wanted to see most. I figured if I didn't try to face him, I wouldn't have to face the truth that what happened the day before was just a little mishap for him. This proved difficult when I was standing in a group of people after class and he walked up to me and held my hand. But in that moment I knew my doubts were pointless and outrageous. But still, if you could see him, you wouldn't be able to understand why he chose me either. The guys ask him "Hey so what're doing today?" and I'm forced to look up at him an smile when he says "I thought I'd hang out with Rikki today." So we went to the park and talked about our childhood cartoons while taking cover from the rain. We talked about little things but important things. I was definitely in trouble when I got home. I remember my moms words "You are NOT dating this boy, I don't like him. Tell him to go home." and he did. But here we are now and if you asked her now, she'd probably deny ever saying it. I had no choice but to message him online in my embarrassment from my mom. He was so cool about everything. And little awkward ol' me starts asking what we are or what we mean as an item. Luckily, he understands and says we're boyfriend and girlfriend. Anyone would've wanted to lock me away with my antsy schoolgirl dance in front of my computer. But instead I scolded him for not actually asking me. Typical me. and so he did. So today marks the day Rikki and Ismael officially became a thing. And nothing has or will ever tear us apart. I know I'm complicated and irrational and he's dorky and stubborn but there's nothing we can't get through. Even when they tried to pull us apart, we stuck it out and we're stronger than ever. Two sweet years and more amazing ones to come. That's all I need and I'm not scared.

Two Years Ago Today Two years ago today Ismael Navarro decided to do something different with his daily routine. Isn't this how a story starts? He, for some odd reason, wanted to come to my house. We had never interacted in person before so this was this best surprise to me. For I had admired him for so long. He was two grades above mine and always quiet. I guess I was quiet to some people too but that's just because nobody ever really got to me. So when I walked into my living room to this handsome man sitting on my couch playing Halo Reach with my brothers and I'm a red, literally hot mess from my walk home, what do I do? I turn and run to my mothers room to hide. I remember exactly what I was wearing, tan shorts, a baby blue tank top, Invader Zim jacket and knee high socks with stripes and of course my black high tops. When I came back out he wasn't playing anymore but he was observing the others play with his best friend. I felt the urge to be braver than ever so I sat next to him and talked to him for our first real conversation. And what did I do in my sophomore awkwardness? I pulled out my black nail polish and did his nails. And he let me. I don't think I could lead him on in the more obvious ways that I wanted to hold his hand by studying every scar on his hand from when he was a kid and telling him I like hands. I don't even know where that came from. He EVENTUALLY took a freaking hint and held my hand. My heart was beating a million times a minute, I couldn't even look at him. I was looking at the TV but my thoughts were blinding my vision until he placed his other hand on my neck. It was so warm. He turned my head and kissed me in the sweetest, longest, most amazing first kiss that I swore it could've lasted forever. Then he just looked at me and we knew that was that. We were happy. The song playing on my little brothers Lightning McQueen radio across the room.. Nothin On You by B.o.B. I couldn't contain the hoard of butterflies in my stomach. His best friend, Kevin turned to ask Ismael something.. Probably about Halo but then he saw what was happening and stuttered until my brother slapped him back into playing the game. I giggled. Who giggles? I've giggled since then. About an hour later Ismael got picked up to leave and I hugged him and kissed him a quick goodnight. I didn't know what it was but I was too entranced by this dream come true. There was still a little problem though. I realized that I had been used before and suddenly I was scared things were headed in a circle. Ismael forgot something.... He never asked me to be with him. (To Be Continued.)

I Want To Write I haven't actually written a new #poem since December when my dad left us for the last time. I feel I always write when I'm extremely affected by an even but I guess nothing's really going on. In five weeks time judgement day tells if all my effort and struggle paid off towards graduating. And with HIM.... I don't know whats happening. I'm so insecure that it's tearing us apart. You think I'd get over myself after two years together. Two years this friday.. What would I do without him? Ah. What a fail of a first blog. He's off drawing. I'm gonna try and write. If something productive comes out, I'll post it.

Dream Sweet Dream The dusk shows time for goodbye Your warm lips kiss me, close my eyes To fall in love with you, oh temptation And fall asleep in lonesome desperation To dream of all that you do for me To see what comes to be What has been and been said I relive here in my bed Holding my pillow, oh solitude Until I see you again I conclude. For the time being, I dream Dream of the love bursting at the seams Insane I must seem But Dream Sweet Dream What would I do without? Fills the hole, defeats the doubt Stops the flow of endless tears Soothes away my pointless fears For I'll see you again, oh love The hours in a day never enough Though I cannot freeze our precious time And at nightfall, again we'll hear the clocks chime So I lay my head back down, leave you with a kiss Before you leave you're already missed And I close my eyes, oh anticipation I wait for my dreamlands invitation Just to see the smile I thrive for To pass time till you return to my door Addiction, they must see But Dream Sweet Dream I swear I'll never let go Of this obsession I seem to show. -Rikki Celiceo