A New Sunlight For years you fight. Against everyone. Every moment, every situation is a battlefield. Then, one day, someone comes and tells you what you've been waiting to hear for so long, since you're too busy to tell it to yourself. He says that you fight too much against the current, that you should lay your weapons down, that by fighting this much, all that you would get at the end of the day is pain, and tiredness and deception. You know he's right, but how could you stop fighting when it is the only thing that keeps you alive ? When you know that once you won't be preoccupied by your battlefields, you will look at yourself, for the first time in years, and realize how tired, how scarred you are, how much blood and mud is on your hands ? When you will undoubtedly fall on your knees and weep all the deceptions, betrayals, and pain you had to live through in the past years, that you had managed to bury deep in you ? This is too scary you say, I can't do it. I will be shattered, it will kill me, can't you see it, you shout. If I don't fight against people, I will start loving them. Because I will see in everyone something worth love and protection. Arms down and with the trust and love of a child I will walk, and I will die. It will kill me, I don't want to die, I don't want the pain, I don't want to love, when you love people and they hurt you, it burns too much, can't you see it, I am too weak, I'm not strong like you, I'm just a child who is too scared to love, you cry. I don't want to believe that people are fascinating, I know how easy it is to love, do you think that I was like this since I jumped out of the womb ? I loved people, I adored them, every smile, every word, every kind gesture was fascinating. Even in the meanest of people I saw the kindness, the innocence, the broken heart, the yearning for love. And I got hurt. And I burned until I was nothing but coal and smoke, so I hid all my love and my passion, my bright eyes, my fascination in the deepest pits of the fire at the core of myself. I fed my bitterness with my deceptions until I was ruthless warrior, a lioness, someone that no one could beat, or hurt, but also someone that no one could truly touch, whose soul and heart was sealed from the people. He listens silently, while you talk and talk, and cry. And for the first time in 10 years, you breath normally, and it's like a sudden cool breeze calms the fires of your soul down. Never had you told all this to anyone, some of the things you were saying were even unknown to do, and as you free your heart from all the bitterness, you realize how much you had missed to talk with someone. And you realize that maybe this is what having a best friend is, and that you never want to lose this person. And that for the first time, you love someone this much without any romanticism. ...and that that person should never read this because it would scare the shit out of you to know that you've laid all your cards and that you might not mean to him what he means to you. ...still, boy, you are the only person who has ever altered me this much. For me, you are: "The only sense the world has ever made." -Elbow, Switching Off