Wooden. SCENE 1: Seed [A young couple are lying beneath a large oak tree on a summer’s day dripping with sex] He: You know you can tell the age of a tree by the rings? She: Is that your idea of pillow talk? He: No it’s true. She: So this ones fucking old and I’m not getting any younger… now kiss me, tell me I’m beautiful and so on… He: Look at the ants. They’re attending to the queen. [He just likes nature and he thinks it’s charming]. She: Mmm, mmm. Jesus you know how to make a girl feel wanted. Attend! [Passing distractions pass and he does indeed turn to her with the biggest smile]. He: I love you… She: Yeah yeah… [Enough clothes are removed and loosened] He: No I do! She: I know you do. He: I think you’re very beautiful. She: Ha! [He stops sharply and goes as far as sitting up] He: What’s wrong with you? She: Sorry? He: Why can’t you just enjoy it? She: I am! I was… He: And there you go switching it to me. She: [switching it to him] That’s not very nice. He: It’s just us here you know? She: [in a very good act of not comprehending] What? He: [shaking a little, aware he’s pushing a truth] There’s no audience. [She laughs, crushing his tiny heart] She: Okay, okay. [With an inappropriate level of enthusiasm] Do you want to carry on? Come on! [Like rousing a losing cricket team]. He: [resigned] Okay. [They make love with a reasonable level of enjoyment and awkwardly slog their way to satisfaction].