Oh How The Years Go By Writing this blog is therapy for me, putting things down in black and white gets it all out of my system, all the hurt, pain and misery. Occasionally I also like to share happy thoughts, it's not all doom and gloom. I keep a journal, have done for many years, that I write in explicitly about my deepest thoughts and feelings. Most of that journal does not get shared on here due to the fact I may well be sectioned, if not arrested. My previous relationship and the subsequent fall out after is much talked about. I have berated my ex and picked apart every last shred of the relationship in order for me to make sense of what happened and where it all went wrong. I managed to lay this all to rest a few years ago now and in the words of Alanis 'I've learned to be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old'. But the question is... can we ever be friends with our ex? The ex I am speaking about text me a few weeks ago to let me know that him and his partner are splitting up. This is the partner he left me for. I'd be an absolute liar if my first thought wasn't 'good, it serves you right'. I think this is only natural but it lasted two seconds and it was replaced by a feeling of sorrow for what he must be going through. I would never wish the way I felt when we split up on anyone, let alone someone I still think a lot of. We have remained in contact since we split up to be fair, it has been a rocky friendship littered with big arguments, various deletes and re adds on Facebook and one or two bad words exchanged over the almost eight years but still we are friends. Indeed a few months ago I added his partner on Facebook proof, for me at least that I had finally forgiven BOTH of them. I know Gavin finds it hard that I speak to my ex but he really has nothing to worry about, I stopped feeling attracted to him in that way many years ago, I don't mean that in a nasty way it's just that feelings change and people move on. Apart from being lovers all those years ago we were also best friends and a friendship that strong can never truly go away surely? We only ever needed each other, never needed anyone else. We made each other laugh and cry and we were never bored of each others company. He was my first proper boyfriend and I was his, we experienced a lot together, we came out together and faced the big bad world together. He was my first gay friend, something I had never had before. Growing up I didn't know anyone else who was gay and so I had no one to talk to, no one to tell how I was feeling. Growing up with that, for me, was really difficult and I feel that I missed out on a lot as a result. By the time I met my ex everything happened at once, all that growing up I missed happened in two and half years, and that's why it could never last, it was too much too soon. So eight years on. I am married to a man I love with all my heart and we have a relationship based on trust, mutual respect and a very deep friendship that could never be replicated. We have a good #life and I would not change any of this for anyone. Me and Mike share a long and important history and that cannot just be erased and I wouldn't want it to be. We have both come a long way, taken very different paths and turned out all the better for it. I can't see us all ever double dating but I know he would be there for me if I needed him and I would be there for him also. And for that I'm truly grateful. Today's song title title is brought to you by Amy Grant;