Janet John filth Anyone remember the Janet & John double-entendre stories that Terry Wogan used to read on his breakfast show? Here's one I wrote. Janet has lost John in the supermarket. See him frolic through the pharmacy section like a big grinning eejit. He‘s spotted Mrs Malone. John likes her, she‘s good with her hands. “Hello Mrs Malone!” Squeals John, “What are you working on today?!” Mrs Malone looks a tad distressed. “I’m fitting a set of patio doors, John. One half is fine, but the other half just won’t hang properly and I keep slamming it shut. I tried altering it myself but all I could find was a very sharp axe and I ended up giving myself a rather nasty cut on the arm. I really need to get someone to have a look at it right away.” Just then Miss Smith comes past and speaks up- “Not to worry Mrs Malone, I’m a nurse. I have some bandages in my bag that I can strap you up with. John, could you look after my groceries please?” See John hunt through the tasty treats in Miss Smith’s grocery bag, scampering off and tucking in. But oh no, he hasn’t noticed the spillage on the floor… John’s feet go from under him, and he lands with a thud in the rear aisle of the shop. Janet comes around the corner and finally finds John, wearing most of Miss Smith‘s shopping. “What ever are you doing?!” See the smile on John’s face. “Mrs Malone was just telling me about banging her other half that isn’t very well hung, and her axe-wound seriously needed seeing to. Then Miss Smith sorted her out with a strap-on while I slipped up the back passage!” See the perfectly finger-shaped welts rising on John’s cheek.