My only choice, only love, gay love has limits Through primary school we played. Casually accepting each others friendship, no worries, no problems and no complications... Until the end, when I got a small crush on you, but buried it so deep I didn't know. Being able to hide secrets from yourself sounds impossible but it's, simply like getting a balloon and blowing your emotions in, you noticed the balloon but not what's inside. Eventually after so much pressure the balloon will burst and all it's contents will escape in a short space of time. Causing mass emotion. Over the years I didn't see you I managed to keep it buried, but we were brought back together and my balloon popped. I didn't know how to tell you, but I thought you would at least understand I like guys and not girls. Everything went to how I thought it would, more or less, until I found out you had a balloon too, but it was different from mine. The emotion was different and how it looked also differed from mine. I didn't know how to react, emotions flew in and out of me. Hope, joy, fear, worry, concern, shock, etc. Then you wanted to skip levels where as I wanted to play the game, I wanted a relationship and you wanted sex. Of course I was choked by emotion, I didn't want to hurt you, but I didn't want you to hurt me. So I said no but stayed by your side, yet you ask again and again until you had to part ways, for a day. Yet by choice you decided to ignore me, like I was nothing, like I meant nothing all along. All the years never meaning a thing. After months of leaving me alone, I did do as you asked, in hope of being friends. But nothing changed. And yet I still felt for you, despite the heartbreaks I had just from you. When I had to tell my patents I was gay, I told then that day too. So when I told you about this I had just blew it. Used my last #life. Killed myself. Game over. Yet I live on, emotionless, a zombie. Unable to love, unable to care, unable to focus. Exams round the corner and I can't focus. It's not your fault though, it's mine. I blew my balloon till it burst... Or is it my fault... I offered to be friends but you refused, at a cost to me. You asked for sex and I gave it to you, giving my virginity. You asked for my trust once again and ripped me to shreds and left me heartless. Unable to fend for myself. I try to get over you, but your the only other one I know, and I'm forced to stay near you. Like a bug flying into a window or flying into a bug zapper, either pointless and painful, or both. Yet set as traps.