March 12th 17 March 12th 17 I just don't think he knows. I don't think he knows what he did. And I really wish I could tell him, but I can't. I'm afraid of re-opening that door, and I know I won't be able to say what I want to say and leave because I know him, and he won't let me revert to being non-verbal with him that abruptly, if ever. If I tried talking, I'd be a fly over a Venus fly trap; He would refuse to let me go. I just wish that there was a way I could indirectly show him all my relevant journal entries filled with things I've been able to recover from my memory and from old storage apps, the full scope, ranging from the last entry I remember documenting before everything was obliterated, to the shimmer in his eyes. An ultimatum, in a way. I feel like he's too mentally ill to be able to process that if I were to ever do such a thing. He must have PTSD. Whether what he told me about his past was a complete hoax or a clear truth, something to that effect must've happened to him that made him the person he is. Listening to metal bands with gruesome lyrics, threatening to shoot up the school, the suicide threats and the threats of dialing 9-1-1, all show that something's up. Nobody's born like that. After telling my friends about the incident involving the so-called schizophrenia, they began to reference it as a claim, rather than an actual possibility. Because, like I said before, the incident occurred more similarly like DID, I did research that concluded how many doctors misdiagnose their patients with DID, with having schizophrenia. Both disorders have some common ground, which leads me to believe that, if it was true that Marcus was taking medication for schizophrenia, that he wasn't lying when he explained that it helped "quiet the voices". Why I immediately assumed the incident was acted out was for the following reasons: 1. I was told, and was able to determine for myself, that he sometimes fibs. Whether it's to make something sound more interesting or more dramatic, or to win someone's attention and affection with a lie, it had occurred. 2. I thought someone, being either friends or even his family, would have told me what I'm dealing with. I didn't expect to date him and then months in, him himself have to tell me "Oh, by the way, I have 'schizophrenia'.". I have also hypothesized that he has Borderline Personality Disorder. For the clearest evaluation, I'm going to give reasons for most prevalent symptoms, based on witnessed examples of such behaviors. They are as follows: • A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation) • Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating. • Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting. • Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days. • Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger • Having stress-related paranoid thoughts. • Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality.