Marissa Vanessa is doing great in college Erica is too, she is still dating her highschool sweetheart Jordan is married and 8 months pregnant Present tense They are the same age as you are—I mean as you were I'm still having trouble adjusting to past tense And adjusting to the fact that you are now past tense "Was beautiful" "Was so kind" "Had so much potential" I don't want to insult your memory with clichés but Marissa you were too young to die You were a christian and I've prayed every night to a god I don't believe in that you found your heaven My sadness is selfish because I did not know you well You were a senior when I was a freshman and I was too shy to say more than a few words to you at a time I looked up to you and I never told you that to me you were smart and talented and gorgeous I wanted to be your friend But I missed my chance I can't help but look back on all of the opportunities I missed with you And at all of the future that I still have I feel so guilty Because cancer turned your "will be's" into "never were's" and your tomorrows into "what if's" Every time I've wanted to die is an insult to your fight to live and I am so sorry If time was transferable I would give you my days but I can't Because #life and death are arbitrary and cruel and unfair I am so sorry Marissa I will try to be more like you I will try to be kind like you I will try to be thankful for my days I will try to honor your memory I will try Rest in peace